The birth of a monster

Sorry for the delay of posts, i swear i've made this post several times before....must have dreamed it....Lets hope that this one is the FOR SURE reality.(if it isn't i swear to something that i'm GOING TO STAB A BITCH) .I'm pretty sure it is...none of my surroundings has changed, so I think i'm safe.


Damn it!


Whoever is messing with my mind is doing one hell of a job I'm literally almost at that point where it's hard to distinguish dreams from reality. But let's not concentrate on the negative shall we? I do have quite an interesting a dream to discuss but I'm going jot down a few things first.


Ever since I've started on my little "mission" I've been lured into a more deeper and lucid dream state than usual. However it still maintains the qualities of dream, always shifting at the most random of times so it's always just so hard to tell whats a tell-tale slender sign or a proxy...or at least until they attack me that is. But I've only been attacked while in a dream state...heh, pussies. Some might have been an actual part of the dream though, since they always seem to shift  into something else before they reach me. Which is another reason why i didn't update sooner, I just thought it was all a part of my mind. But others, the real ones? I won't lie, I end up getting my ass handed to me every time we engage in combat but they don't kill me. I also do damage them pretty badly, which i'm ever so proud of ^~^ They're probably just trying to scare me, but i'm still not a big fan of waking up with multiple bruises, scratches, and  paranoid state of mind.


Also another thing i've noticed is that instead of getting less sleep like other slender troubled victims, I've been getting more sleep. However this is not as much as a luxury as it really seems. To be in a peaceful, carefree state of reality, enjoying the control of your own world at the very tips of your fingers.


HAHA, don't make me laugh.


Sleep for me is never peaceful. At first i was running in some dreams (as mentioned in previous blog posts), and then finding just beautiful scenes of gore in others...But now they seem like a long string of events connected to one another, as if i were living a second life. It mostly takes place in a forest though but sometimes warehouses, temples on a foreign country, or giant labyrinths. But mostly forests occupy my dreams most nights. The dark forest's gloomy, dead trees are just so lifeless. Even the faint rustle of leaves have a dull tone to them and what little creature that are seen seem like an apparition. The only real signs of life i see are proxies, patrolling the forest as if they were eternally damned to do so.In the dreams, when i think I've found my "safe place" WHAM. A decapitated head plops on my lap and leaves me screaming into the dead forest. When i try to run my environment shifts and sways as if my mind is desperately trying to escape but some stronger, darker force is preventing it so. Sometimes i do managed to regain control over my surroundings by reminding myself it's my own mind and body and get away into a warehouse or a different section of the forest. Hey, it's not Disneyland but i'll take what i can get.


I do try to control my dreams though to defend myself, but nowadays it only seems like there's only a 20% chance of it working. Like there's some type of twisted dark matter within the atmosphere that's suppressing my ability to control my dreams, as a lucid dreamer should. I can still sense and remember everything though...just not control it very well...


I do find the occasional traps every now and then, but i mostly find them in cabins. Heh, once i saw one of the poor bastards trip a trap that poured acid on him. Unfortunately I've been victimized to this crap to, once i got my leg caught in bear trap and was stuck there for what seemed like hours on end...Eventually for of those masked bastards came upon me and conjured a hot poker and continuously beat be until i fell unconscious....Then i woke up in another part of the forest. Wounds healed but the searing pain and the smell of burnt flesh stayed with me. I just wish i had more experience in this type of crap. But i shouldn't worry that's what my Big Brother is for! He's planned on teaching me the basics of survival, knowing my traps, how to find one, ect. ect. ect. Unfortunately he has quite the drinking habit, but it normally doesn't get in out way.


The worst part is (okay maybe not the worst part but one of them) that when i wake up, it's like i barely got any sleep! So. Damn. Irritating. It's just so damn hard to tell whats real and whats not. You wake up one morning, get out of bed and walk right into a mother fucking forest. You could imagine that it gets irritating at times.One of the reasons why I was able to make a coherent blog posts with minimal errors was because these dream controlling demons left me to night a night of pure silence and darkness. I'm not sure if they were trying to scare me with "the fear of the dark" bull crap or what, BUT I FUCKING LOVED IT! I woke up, and i was sure of it.


Crap. What if they were preparing me for the worse that's yet to some? Or resting me up so that i could endure more of this torturous bull crap? I wish i wasn't such a worrier >.<


I need to stop worrying to i'll move onto a different subject. Let's talk dreams.


So my dreams may be strung up all together but there was one session in particular that stood out. I was treading carefully around the dead trees when there numbers began to taper in one section of the forest. It peaked my curiosity and i hustled over there (seeing how it was the only interesting thing that has happened in what seemed like hours then) trying to to stir the dead leaves as i did so. I did stop though around a 130 or so yards back to see that a large, black, oily looking lake has come into sight. Now keep in mind that even though it was at quite a distance away i controlled my dream in a way to enhance my sight so I didn't have to come close to this thing.This thing was massive, but the oddest part about it was the surface of the water. At first glance it just seemed to be small waves but when i got a closer look the surface writhed and trembled. It looked as if multiple hands were clawing desperately (and hopelessly) at the jet black bounds of this lake of despair. 
I moved closer 50 or so yard to get a better look at it. Now that i was closer i could see that the surface didn't have a liquid look to it anymore but more so like a tar-ish like substance that was impossible to penetrate. The things clawing at the surface were indeed hands, claws, and other various limbs but none seemed to brake through. That was until a scaly clawed figure managed to break through.


At first i thought it was just an over sized limb stretching the surface but i knew it broke though once I saw it grip the edge of the land that laid before it. It slowly lured itself out of the oily looking tar, i could smell it faintly and was glad i wasn't any closer. I saw another limb break through but it was giant paw with jagged edged claws. I looked back at the other limb, confused, and saw that it had changed into a hoof with muscular legs lifting up the great mass of flesh out of the dark substance before it. The process was quite painful to watch, really.The two limbs morphed into the various legs and feet of other animals (and sometimes the hands and arms of humans) and finally hefted it's upper torso out of the dark wriggling mass and i saw the thing's head.


It's head was horrifying, at first i only saw the outline of what looked like to the head of large lizard(i guess you could say a dragon since it was at the appropriate size of one..). However it's shape shifted into that of a large wolf. Then into that of a lion, it's what was once to be thought majestic mane was matted and covered in the black smelly goo. The black seeped off of the head revealing it's eyes. Two white soulless orbs pierced through the black mass that was it's body. Those desolate globes seemed to drag every form of life around it into death. They formed an indescribable desolate type of atmosphere around this creature's very being. Making the forest near the edge of the pool look more empty and hopeless than it already was. Each eye held a glimmer in it though as if it was searching for a final release from it's very own hell. It had a mad glare to it an an anger that looked like it could shake the very earth to it's core if it wanted to. It open it maw (which took on the form of a muzzle) and let out a shattered, gargled screech that gouged the night sky and shook the forest (i had to cover my ears for in fear that i would wake up deaf). The creature held row after row of pristine white needle-like teeth that were stained a dark red with the blood of the helpless victims. It had matted bits of gore between some of them and i swear that if i would have looked closes enough, i could have seen maybe a hand or a leg.


The formed wavered as it was seemed to use all of it's strength to get out. It's limbs still changed it's forms as did the head, but the black substance crawled off of the front two legs and seeped back into the pool. The mismatched body managed to get half of itself out of the dark lake by this time and the black crap got off of the front limbs as well. The main torso of the creature shifted as well as the parts of it's body did, but it was quite hard to tell the difference since it only changed into that of four legged creatures.  (I should have figured, because how inconvenient  must it be to randomly change into the body of a giant chicken while you have the front legs of a horse, the back legs of a human, and the head of a lizard.) So body just looked like an ever shifting lumpy black mass, since the black made it unable to tell what type of body it beheld.


It hefted it's unimaginably immense remaining amount of weight onto the land and stayed there for moment while the black slowly oozed back into the writhing pool. It remained still, hunched over itself as if it were trying to regain it's strength. It's various body parts still changed, a claw on the right talon with an ape like hand on the left, or a whip like tail to shift into that of a horse. It slowly lumbered itself in my direction. I don't think it saw me since it made no "target lock" on me but i could still feel its mad, wandering eyes fall upon my being. Making me shiver to my very core. The adrenaline that pumped though my veins increased my eyesight further making me see even more detail of this beast from hell than i wanted to. 


It had stitching that would connect itself at the very most major parts of the body, showing the boundary of where that limb would stop changing. Like the arm like limbs were connect at were your shoulders would be, the head at the neck, legs at the hip, and tail at the backside. A slicker looking black ooze bled through the crappy stitch work that somehow managed to hold. It left black streaks across the creature but they always faded into the being, giving it a shadowy look to itself.


The thing looked eyes with me and release a low, rumbling growl that twisted into a wail. It sat back on it's haunches, preparing itself to leap and it did. I swear my whole life flashed before my eyes...all of whom i have loved, lost, and never made amends with stung my very soul. When it was upon me and when i was sure i going to die i woke up. Startled, weeping uncontrollably, and very shaken up.


I am lead to believe that this creature will now haunt my dreams, and chase me down for whomever it's sick sadistic master may be. I also have a sick feeling it won't stop until it does so...I have no idea how to stop it and i am almost willing to take any help i get...


I will now lead this post to close, I apologize for the length of it. It is only to be expected since it is my first update since i stated my plans. I'll see you all later (if i'm still alive that is..)


Yours truly~
Den Varg

Children these days...

My, My.

What have you gotten into now? I finally find time out of my busy fucking to schedule to check up on your blog (which by the way is supposed to HELP YOU, not inspire you to put yourself into more fucking danger) and see this little gem:

"I'm going to try to fight these nightmares...I'm going to see out the truth"

THE FUCK?!?!?!?

Now you've actual decided to go after this fucking...god i don't know what you want to call them, things?!?! Do you have ANY idea what in HELL you've gotten yourself into? Do you even know what you have started by openly declaring that you're going after them( or attempting to anyways..) You could of at least had a small chance by trying to forget about it LIKE I'VE BEEN TRYING TO GET YOU TO DO THIS WHOLE ENTIRE FUCKING TIME.

These damn, stubborn ass kids these days...You're doing nothing but chasing shadows you know that? And you know what'll happen when you find out what casts those shadows? Do more than shit your pants, that's for fucking sure...Just leave things as they are and i'm abso-fucking-lutely

positive things will be back to normal. I'll make sure of it this time.

However if you do continue on with this craptastic plan of yours, just try to be safe please. You're literally the only damn family member i keep in contact still and i don't want to lose that. So if you manage to get in trouble, you can count on me to get you out of it. As much as i fucking want you to learn your damn lesson, i'll still help you out. However don't take this as a sign to leeroy jenkins yourself into as much damn trouble as possible because then i'll REALLY be fucking pissed at you. But I WON'T help you chase down these assholes, in your weird ass dream world or in the real fucking world either.

If you're heart is STILL fucking set on after chasing your nightmares, heed my warning:

They're more than just beings of dreams, they can actually FUCKING hurt you in the waking world and WILL come after you.

Please try to stay safe

-BB

Reborn

 I'm truly scared. I tried so hard to fight against the fear but i just don't know how to fight it anymore. I don't even think it's possible to fight anymore, but I think that i have a pretty good idea of what to do. It's probably better than the "sweep it under a rug" thing i tried to do, but don't worry. All shall hopefully be explained to you and then maybe..just maybe i will have someone that understands as well.
First and foremost, let me apologize. I'm sorry for the lack of posts for the... fuck i don't know, months or so. It's just that I want to erase all that i knew from my mind. I wanted to bury the horrid dreams and the fright that has crept into my mind and stated there like a parasite.To let the fear that i has enveloped get lost within the endless folds of time, but alas, it would not fade. No matter what did, or how hard i tried it would. not. leave. Hell, i even tried out a therapist for Christs sake, it didn't last long but i tried. All they wanted to do is shove fucking pills down my throat, and there was no way in HELL i was OK with that. My friends? I don't really have any, after middle school i became home schooled and i really only have one who has been with me through the end. I pray that he never gets caught up in this shit. However even he know my troubles and do what they can...and god bless his soul for trying to help but.it's not quite working. But if you nightmare-ish bastards are reading this, please leave them the hell alone. They of all people deserve a better life than this..and my brother, to put it simply, is a worthless fuck when it comes to helping me. All he tries to do is persuade it me it isn't real, that it's just an overactive imagination of mine. I'll give him brownie points for trying though ( as worthless his "help" was). The dark thoughts kept crawling back, reaching out with dark tendrils to poison the last bit of comfort I've manage to salvage. All i wanted to do was just run away from this mental madness...but how could i run from something that was within my mind?
But now, I've decided to try to fight these nightmares of mind and reality. Instead of trying to hide away the knowledge in the dark corners of my mind, I'm going to seek out the truth. I will no longer live in fear of these bastard monstrosities that dance grimly in my nightmares. I will seek out the truth behind the madness, the reason to it all and the way to defeat it. I don't know who I can count on though...I'm not 100% sure if my brother and Matt would go for this. My brother just pushes me away from the internet when he can. "It's nothing but lies, just fucking children stories. You're to damn old for that" "You're obsession with this is unhealthy, if you can't even get over you're dreams how the hell do you expect to even forget about this shit. That's if it even happened." Hmm. That asshole, but that's my brother for ya... I'm pretty sure i'll get an earful on blogger later about how rash i am. Well, that's a suffering i'm willing to endure, because he can either help me or GTFO. No matter how hard he tries to keep the truth hidden, i will always have the gentle itch of curiosity tug at the my back mind, and it won't be satisfied unless i find answers. In fact, it i kinda hope it will never be satisfied. When it comes to relying on my friend on the other hand...well I really don't want to get my my friend involved...i really don't.....but if worst comes to worst and i have no one else to rely on, i guess i'll just have to turn to him(whose name is Matt by the way if ya haven't caught that by now :P). But i'll try my best to keep the burdens of my own mind to myself, even if it results in my own mental ruination. 
So now this blog is reborn, into something much more than just a simple dream log. It is my now my journey towards the light, no matter how dark it may seem. However yes i will still log my dreams, i have a feeling they're much more important than i thought. No longer are they just ways to psycho-analyze your subconscious, but they are now nightmares so lucid the aftermath revealed after awaking is coming to point where it's almost considered "gruesome".
Now i promise, with God and whoever reads this as my witness, that i will post every dream. Every detail. Every encounter. Every single fucking horror that haunts me to the best extent of my knowledge, and i promise that i will discover the truth and end my madness once and for all.