Monday, November 14, 2011

Children these days...

My, My.
What have you gotten into now? I finally find time out of my busy fucking to schedule to check up on your blog (which by the way is supposed to HELP YOU, not inspire you to put yourself into more fucking danger) and see this little gem:

"I'm going to try to fight these nightmares...I'm going to see out the truth"

THE FUCK?!?!?!?
Now you've actual decided to go after this fucking...god i don't know what you want to call them, things?!?! Do you have ANY idea what in HELL you've gotten yourself into? Do you even know what you have started by openly declaring that you're going after them( or attempting to anyways..) You could of at least had a small chance by trying to forget about it LIKE I'VE BEEN TRYING TO GET YOU TO DO THIS WHOLE ENTIRE FUCKING TIME.

These damn, stubborn ass kids these days...You're doing nothing but chasing shadows you know that? And you know what'll happen when you find out what casts those shadows? Do more than shit your pants, that's for fucking sure...Just leave things as they are and i'm abso-fucking-lutely
positive things will be back to normal. I'll make sure of it this time.

However if you do continue on with this craptastic plan of yours, just try to be safe please. You're literally the only damn family member i keep in contact still and i don't want to lose that. So if you manage to get in trouble, you can count on me to get you out of it. As much as i fucking want you to learn your damn lesson, i'll still help you out. However don't take this as a sign to leeroy jenkins yourself into as much damn trouble as possible because then i'll REALLY be fucking pissed at you. But I WON'T help you chase down these assholes, in your weird ass dream world or in the real fucking world either.

If you're heart is STILL fucking set on after chasing your nightmares, heed my warning:
They're more than just beings of dreams, they can actually FUCKING hurt you in the waking world and WILL come after you.
Please try to stay safe
-BB

Friday, November 4, 2011

Reborn

 I'm truly scared. I tried so hard to fight against the fear but i just don't know how to fight it anymore. I don't even think it's possible to fight anymore, but I think that i have a pretty good idea of what to do. It's probably better than the "sweep it under a rug" thing i tried to do, but don't worry. All shall hopefully be explained to you and then maybe..just maybe i will have someone that understands as well.
First and foremost, let me apologize. I'm sorry for the lack of posts for the... fuck i don't know, months or so. It's just that I want to erase all that i knew from my mind. I wanted to bury the horrid dreams and the fright that has crept into my mind and stated there like a parasite.To let the fear that i has enveloped get lost within the endless folds of time, but alas, it would not fade. No matter what did, or how hard i tried it would. not. leave. Hell, i even tried out a therapist for Christs sake, it didn't last long but i tried. All they wanted to do is shove fucking pills down my throat, and there was no way in HELL i was OK with that. My friends? I don't really have any, after middle school i became home schooled and i really only have one who has been with me through the end. I pray that he never gets caught up in this shit. However even he know my troubles and do what they can...and god bless his soul for trying to help but.it's not quite working. But if you nightmare-ish bastards are reading this, please leave them the hell alone. They of all people deserve a better life than this..and my brother, to put it simply, is a worthless fuck when it comes to helping me. All he tries to do is persuade it me it isn't real, that it's just an overactive imagination of mine. I'll give him brownie points for trying though ( as worthless his "help" was). The dark thoughts kept crawling back, reaching out with dark tendrils to poison the last bit of comfort I've manage to salvage. All i wanted to do was just run away from this mental madness...but how could i run from something that was within my mind?
But now, I've decided to try to fight these nightmares of mind and reality. Instead of trying to hide away the knowledge in the dark corners of my mind, I'm going to seek out the truth. I will no longer live in fear of these bastard monstrosities that dance grimly in my nightmares. I will seek out the truth behind the madness, the reason to it all and the way to defeat it. I don't know who I can count on though...I'm not 100% sure if my brother and Matt would go for this. My brother just pushes me away from the internet when he can. "It's nothing but lies, just fucking children stories. You're to damn old for that" "You're obsession with this is unhealthy, if you can't even get over you're dreams how the hell do you expect to even forget about this shit. That's if it even happened." Hmm. That asshole, but that's my brother for ya... I'm pretty sure i'll get an earful on blogger later about how rash i am. Well, that's a suffering i'm willing to endure, because he can either help me or GTFO. No matter how hard he tries to keep the truth hidden, i will always have the gentle itch of curiosity tug at the my back mind, and it won't be satisfied unless i find answers. In fact, it i kinda hope it will never be satisfied. When it comes to relying on my friend on the other hand...well I really don't want to get my my friend involved...i really don't.....but if worst comes to worst and i have no one else to rely on, i guess i'll just have to turn to him(whose name is Matt by the way if ya haven't caught that by now :P). But i'll try my best to keep the burdens of my own mind to myself, even if it results in my own mental ruination. 
So now this blog is reborn, into something much more than just a simple dream log. It is my now my journey towards the light, no matter how dark it may seem. However yes i will still log my dreams, i have a feeling they're much more important than i thought. No longer are they just ways to psycho-analyze your subconscious, but they are now nightmares so lucid the aftermath revealed after awaking is coming to point where it's almost considered "gruesome".
Now i promise, with God and whoever reads this as my witness, that i will post every dream. Every detail. Every encounter. Every single fucking horror that haunts me to the best extent of my knowledge, and i promise that i will discover the truth and end my madness once and for all. 

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Cobwebs everywhere

Man is it me or is this blog growing cobwebs? I swear its like why bother even having it? And is it me or did the orange color change?And why does this font seem so small?!?!!?
but that's beside the point.
Between not giving a fuck about reading most blogs and actually having a damn life, I never actually really had motive to go on here other to help out my sister....And after reading her recent post i can see that she's not fairing to well....

Although i regrettably have to admit she did have a point 2 posts ago trying to leverage fear for knowledge XP, so i guess the tough guy act isn't just me. Still though, if any of you freaks or weirdos even THINK bout harming her i will make you beg for death. But lets try not to stray off topic shall we?

Like i mentioned the only interest i have in this blog is to help her, and i'll do whatever it takes to help. Even if it means "prying" into her personal life (i swear i didn't mean for that to sound as harsh as it did). I just mean that, she's just a kid still (well to me at least) and i want her to enjoy life to the fullest with no worries, no stress, or no troubles! I also am trying my best to understand whats going on, i mean at least i'm attempting to read a blog or two(which reminds me to add more to reading list later..) but i honestly (and no offense) don't give a shit about anyone else. Only her, since she IS family and all. So i'm just an innocent guy trying to help out a....
troubled family member. Also since, i kinda moved it's really hard to help her since i'm not really there in person. I know there will be times to visit but i have a really busy work scheduled and i'm trying to plan a wedding which makes me reliant on this magical device called a PHONE and this strange contraption called this.. this....INTERNET.
:P(hehehehehe)
Point being whether she likes it or not, I'm here to help her out. So to start on such, i'm going to be giving updates on her when i can.
(which is kind of pathetic since she should do this herself since she knows herself better than i do. i'm just saying)

So i guess i'll start now.
Recently....she hasn't been to well....and judging by the amount of errors in her most recent post, i don't think she's improving. In the time before I left, she always seemed to be taking a nap. Whether it was after school, on the weekends, at the beach, in the car and i just thought it was just your average teenage angst/depression so i never really put much thought into it but i was curious on what she would be depressed about. So i just started to try to get some info out of her on small stuff with a touch of brotherly love, like the typical "Hows school like, chump" and "Hey get that snorlax out of route 11"(brownie points on whoever gets the reference), and the lovely "Why the fuck are you sleeping so much". (Subtlety was never my thing....) The only SOMEWHAT useful reply i got was "...i need to know more" or " I would tell you but you wouldn't understand, since you didn't read those damn blogs like i told you to!".....Well shit. She did get me there..I still fail to understand how the problems of others can be hers as well.
Grrrr.....women...... I guess if i just HAVE to read other blogs then so be it.....
Also, even though it seems like she's always asleep every hour of the day, when she's awake she acts like she hasn't slept in 2 days. You'd think she's storing energy in little bottles or something with all of that sleep. She's also kind of more distant than she used to be, always zoning out into blank spaces with vacant yet concentrating type of look on her face. I swear that girl is a mystery wrapped in an enigma.
The last thing is odd, i don't really know why she does it but she kind of twitches in her sleep. I'm not sure if this is related to the night screaming that she's used to do or not but it seems pretty odd to me. Only because sometimes she twitches when she's awake. Its not really twitching though when she's awake...its more like just really jerky hand motions when she's going to do something, or just moving really quickly after being called to attention after she just zoned out. But it's like she does it when no ones watching (or when she thinks no ones there). Which is pretty odd, because if she can control it then why twitch? And if you're going to control the twitch, then wouldn't it make more sense to do it in front of people for attention?

Well, Varg if you're going to read this post by any chance would it kill ya to give even just a tiiiiiiiiny explanation? or even a hint! Because, with all due respect, you're just confusing as fuck just so ya know -.-'

So i'll take my leave and post some other time. But keep in mind I do have quite a busy life so i may not be able to post soon.
WHICH ALSO MEANS I'M RELYING ON YOU VARG TO POST TO!

Later.

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Apologies for the absence

Sorry being gone for a while, been busy with school, life and whotnot....
I haven't being sleeping well lately but i'll elaborate later(ortry to anyways))
I can't make this long, gotta go soon and help my brother move into his new place today, im going to try to pressure him into posting for me ^u^ Aren;t i a wonderful sister?
Anywhos is anyone else having twitter problems?
i cant log into my account >,< (mabey it has something to do with my email account i linked it to, since it got blocked)
Unfortunatelly i'll have to make my leave here, let's hope i dont trip and kill myself in my barely concious sleep deprived state of mind :'D

  btw spell checking's for loozers and  fully awake people :D

WAIT WAIT
before i go, can somebody keep me up to date on whats happening...been to busy being locked up in my own little world to realize whats going on around me...sorry....

Thursday, August 18, 2011

bluh older sibling >:O (and other things)

bluh i unwilling had to let my brother join my blog. Unfortunately for me he's trained in the ancient art of "lets beat the crap out of her until she gives in" type of persuasion and I'm no match against him .Then again if i didn't let him into my blog he would have gotten the rest my family involved and shit would have hit a giant rainbow colored, spiked, metaphorical fan. Plus i just want them to stay safe, who knows what kind of crazy shit could happen to them.

On a side note please ignore the whole ominous looking Big Brother's Watching you deal, he's just trying to make up what he lacks in knowledge with fear. Heh, i might nickname as him my guard dog (or wolf heh) since he's acting like a big fat lazy one with all of this barking but no biting :P I know i'm going to get punched for that later, but at the moment I REGRET NOTHING!!!!

Hehe, i wonder if any other evil doers are using the same technique of replacing knowledge with fear, because that would make a TON of sense from the looks of it:P

I guess now i'm sorta forced to post 'cause with BigBrother giving info on me, someone has to make sure its not false. Or worse, what if he posts baby pictures or tells embarrassing stories of me?!?!!?!?
Great now i have constant blog paranoia., but then again i guess that's the "fun" of having older siblings isn't it?I know he probably means me well but i wish he'd just let me move at my own pace -.- But if i do that then he thinks i'm procrastinating!! Blargh i just can't win can i?
Perhaps he's just trying to help me relieve some stress by getting me to tell everybody everything. 
Blah i will never figure out what goes on in that mind of his....
However it's not like i keep this all to myself or anything, i do have a friend i like to share my dreams and keep up to date with as well so i'm not completely alone in this mess. He of all people should know that i'm not comfortable spilling my guts out to various people who I've never even met(well at least not very well) before! .That's why i tried my best to keep a strictly a Dream Log( speaking of dreams i'll get to those in a sec), however according to him it should be more than that :/. Well lets just see how things work out for now, i think this is a totally pointless idea but that stubborn little man thinks otherwise. 

Ugh, Dreams. You see, my sleeping habits nowadays haven't become to healthy. I stay up late at night playing long endless games of DnD and I've been taking some medication recommended by a good friend of mine that's supposed to help with my allergies but unfortunately it's side effects cause drowsiness. Any medication of any sort with that little effect to help me sleep causes me not to dream or to have really really really bad quality ones . I've heard it's an effect common with everybody so it's probably no big deal and nothing to worry about. Still the small bits and portions that i do see are rather troubling but my friend says it's just a result from playing to much DnD. He(who has name, it's Matt by the way, i hope he doesn't mind me telling you all that..) explained it as my mind relaying bits of info from the day before and that sounds pretty logical to me. There was one thing my brother did mention though that i can't pretend he didn't mention. It was how he noticed how when i flail in my sleep at times, and the only way i know this is because i fell off my bed a few times...Luckily he's only seen me night flailing(lol) a very small amount of times(i think it was 2?i don't know at the moment..) and i was EXTREMELY lucky that it was only a mild case....I know he'll read this and demand more answers and explanations but...it can't really be so important...can it? So what if my body likes  to correlate with my mind during sleep, i can do whatever the hell i want to :P 
since  the issue is related to dreaming i guess i'll have to tell him about it eventually. Which probably means i should talk about other things like the the aftermath of dreaming( like waking up with scratches) before he outs me on that to....But i'd like to do it on my own time at my own pace and through blogger as well, i'm not comfortable with telling him this stuff face to face. I guess this is why they always have the patient facing another direction in a therapists office isn't it?


Well It is getting late and I've just taken another lovely dose of this medicine which means i should be going to bed shortly.
So i guess this is where i sign off then isn't it? 
See you all later, Varg out.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Guess who's watching

Hey everybody, It's Varg's older brother here. I know this somewhat sudden but after stumbling upon her unknown blogger account i had to know what she kept a secret. I mean, I know a girls got her secrets and some privacy that she's like to have respected but C'mon.
She had dreams about ME, and not only dreams but what she described them to be kind of sounded like nightmares...and they're getting pretty frequent to which worries me as well. What also worries me is how she talks about people called "proxies" and talks of some dude called "Slenderman" or "slendy" or "sm" and from what i've read through her blog posts and the wonderful vast ocean of knowledge called the internet, having those baddies in your dreams can only lead to no good. I also think a little family/moral support might actually do her some good. I mean, I'm not saying the rest of you is nothing but chopped liver but still, there's nothing better than good ol' family comfort.Also after reading every post of the blog i don't believe she's being completely honest with all of you, like as in not telling the whole story. Like, how she woke up twice lightly flailing and whimpering. I know it MAY have been possible that she forgotten the dream(or is to stubborn to say what it was)but she could have at least told you all what happened for some comfort or any advice that could have possibly been given(i don't know what the hell kind of advice that would be but what do i know).
So i decided if she's gonna give you slice you might as well have the whole cake.
After all, it's not nice to be a little greedy now is it?

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Well its been a while

Hello there, sorry about the small absence. I just got caught up in to many things, and i was raised with the "don't speak unless your spoken to" kind of mind so i guess that sorta played a role in it as well. Nevertheless I will still be doing updates, just not as often i suppose (unless its extremely important, obviously).

Now lets talk dreams. They won't be ordered by the date i've had them since i can't really remember when they occurred...but hey, at least i remember the dreams themselves. I'll give a small synopsis of them and spare you the boring not-so-important details. I've been having quite a few of them, sometimes they were lucid or other times they had like a fuzzy static  about them like a bad quality camera that just got dropped. At first i thought that it was just my mind relaying various bits of information that i knew but now these dreams are becoming more often and its starting to worry me. I'm just hoping that all it is is a small case of common paranoia.

Now to the dreams
I was being chased by somebody, i can't remember who or what was chasing me, might have been a proxy. I was in a desert and it was extremely hot but also extremely windy. As i was running i came across a temple with Egyptian architecture. As i weaved through the pillars trying to evade my predator i took notice to the details of it. I saw etchings of a man with a rams head on the side of the temple along side some other things depicting either a ram or a rams head in some way. I first thought it was a trap so i made my ways out of pillars and ran off to the side of the temple, where the dream began to change its form. It changed to where i was running(still being chased) towards a stream with a large pool at the mouth of it. As an attempt to get away i dived head first into the pool, but then i woke up.

You see, i thought this was a really odd dream because i know absolutely NOTHING of Egyptian mythology and whatnot. So the odds of my mind relaying various bits of info was ruled out immediately. Now the day after i did some research and i came across the god named Herishef/Harsaphes/Khnum/Heryshaf and the city(?) named Herakleopolis. At first i just saw it was the god connected to water and fertility. I definitely don't plan on having any kids anytime soon so i thought maybe it was about creativity and having new ideas. But then after seeing Elaines post and looking at posts i ran across during my research from other bloggers, i began realizing maybe it does have something to do with Him after all.
 But i got lost through half of that due to lack of knowledge about Egypt, but at least i have a small grasp of what relation that He has with Heryshaf. Now all i have to figure out is why i had this dream, but then again isn't that a question we would all just love to answer? Sorry if i got any information wrong, like i said, i know nothing about Egypt.

The next dreams I'm just going to type them out as a set because they all have that fuzzy quality to them and i can't tell where they end nor begin >.<

In one dream i was a proxy, i had the whole mask and shady looking dress ware. I think i w as stalking people, when i got a first real assignment. And that was to kill my parents.I remembered that they would die regardless of what i did. I was horrified, i remember i tried to save them. Despite all of my efforts to try to save them they still died. It was a rather odd death, the earth opened up and swallowed them whole. At least it was (hopefully) painless.
The next bit was rather odd. That night i was staying at my aunts house due to a family member being hospitalized and i never really liked sleeping in her living room. Always gave me the creeps, you know? Back to the dream, in my dream i was at my aunts house wandering it. It had like this weird greenish/blue glow to it as i was wandering. The dream half/shifted, like i was in the living room but everything else around me turned into a field with a forest around the edges. I was at the far side of them room watching myself sleep on the sofa when He was there at the edge where my feet where staring at the dream me. I felt an immense amount of fear come over me and i felt paralyzed on the spot. He beckoned me to come closer and in my fear stricken state curiosity gnawed at the edges of my mind. Immobilized my fear but propelled by curiosity i began to inch forward, dying to know why i was beckoned. As i moved forward the dream began to blur and become and static-y like i mentioned earlier. It was like how camera and other technical goodies malfunctioned when he was near. It also began to fade and eventually i was left with darkness and the dream just ends from i suppose.
The next (and last one) was about me being stalked by a proxy. I would pass him in the streets and see him glaring at me from a distance but i never caught a good glimpse of him,until he bumped into me and his hoodie fell back and i saw that my stalker was in fact my brother. I was extremely shocked and i tried to grab his sleeve but he knocked me into the wall(which he has done in real life and it hurts ALOT) and i blacked out. In my dream i woke up on my bed and i heard screaming so i tried to get out of bed but my mother quickly opened the door and told me just to go back to sleep. I have no idea why i did, i must have not had complete control of the dream or else i wouldn't have done so. But when i woke up(in the dream) i smelled smoke and i got out of bed and quickly ran to the door. I saw my brother burning the bodies of the remaining members of the family(who were headless) in the living room. Horrified and not wanting to get caught by him and his partner, i ran out back and what i saw was rather ugly. All of the heads of the family members were in the  garden with stakes through their skulls. Ugh, what a horrible memory >.< i shudder just typing it out. But my brother  caught me despite my efforts of trying to escape and i was forced to join him into proxy hood. It was weird though, i felt at peace once i did. I mean i did feel grief for my family but once i joined him it was like i said a moment ago, peaceful.

Odd little thingss aren't they? I've had other ones but i don't feel like they're worth mentioning. I CAn't remember them to well and they're probably just fabrications of the mind. I still worry though because i've been predicting things lately by dream. I doubt any of those can come true but when i saw prediction i don't mean the whole scenario and whatnot is foretold but small snips of it. For example i had a dream i was swimming in a pool with golden water in a temple with someone whom i never met before. 3 months later i met the exact same person i saw in my dream. You see though the thing is with thins dream prediction thing is, that even if it does come true, it'll be months away and its only one small part. So i can't really dwell on most of these things and when they do come true it's like a huge frustrating slap in face because i didn't see it coming.
Wow i wrote more than what i was expecting to. Sorry if i wasted your time but a little  update is nice every now and then. Pardon the spelling and grammar mistakes, i don't feel like correcting them at the moment.