Ugh, look at what you've done now
You ran RIGHT into something right. in.your.face. Not only that, but you've also managed to get that other idiot you hang out got into to this to. Thank god I'm here, admit it, you'd be lost without me dear sister. Sometimes i wish that i've been graced with a sister with and i.q. high than a brick.
So apologizes about the absence in both of our presences. My sister's been busy being retarded while i'v been busy cleaning up after her. Now that I'm able to actual get some time to my fucking self I'd just loooooove to enlighten you all on the going-ons of within our absence.
So what happened...well...none of us really know....we all thought it was only another nightmare. Somehow, it must have evolved into something worse because she had a full on BREAK DOWN. I had to bust out the sedatives (don't ask where i got them i just have them).
Hold on, be right back a quick moment...i think the beast is finally stirring from her lair.
...
False alarm, just sleep talking. I know her psychiatrist told me to listen to her when she sleeps since the mind reveals it's inner most thoughts in a dream state but screw that, I'm not going to do that bastards job for free. I'm just going to give her the pills and try to keep her from doing anymore retarded things.But unfortunately on top of being her "guard dog" (as she likes to say) I'm now in charge of saving her dumb ass friend. I don't really want but however i don't want to be the accused of kidnapping the poor thing when he was last seen at her house (which i'm temporarily residing in to take care of her).
So about that last post she made....well my best guess is that she was either VERY sleep deprived or took to many of the doc's pills if you know what i mean. When i returned home for the holidays i was surprised she didn't manage to kill herself. From what i've heard she was found passed out covered in bruises and various scratches. It MUST have been self inflicted.It could have been worse?? But hell, whatever, she's "fine" as she can be so it's all good. Not to mention she HAS been doing alot better so i might be able to coax her into making another blog post. If i'm lucky.
SIGH.
The trails of a sibling bound brother. If this persists, I have a friend who would be MORE than happy to help.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
The birth of a monster
Sorry for the delay of posts, i swear i've made this post several times before....must have dreamed it....Lets hope that this one is the FOR SURE reality.(if it isn't i swear to something that i'm GOING TO STAB A BITCH) .I'm pretty sure it is...none of my surroundings has changed, so I think i'm safe.
Damn it!
Whoever is messing with my mind is doing one hell of a job I'm literally almost at that point where it's hard to distinguish dreams from reality. But let's not concentrate on the negative shall we? I do have quite an interesting a dream to discuss but I'm going jot down a few things first.
Ever since I've started on my little "mission" I've been lured into a more deeper and lucid dream state than usual. However it still maintains the qualities of dream, always shifting at the most random of times so it's always just so hard to tell whats a tell-tale slender sign or a proxy...or at least until they attack me that is. But I've only been attacked while in a dream state...heh, pussies. Some might have been an actual part of the dream though, since they always seem to shift into something else before they reach me. Which is another reason why i didn't update sooner, I just thought it was all a part of my mind. But others, the real ones? I won't lie, I end up getting my ass handed to me every time we engage in combat but they don't kill me. I also do damage them pretty badly, which i'm ever so proud of ^~^ They're probably just trying to scare me, but i'm still not a big fan of waking up with multiple bruises, scratches, and paranoid state of mind.
Also another thing i've noticed is that instead of getting less sleep like other slender troubled victims, I've been getting more sleep. However this is not as much as a luxury as it really seems. To be in a peaceful, carefree state of reality, enjoying the control of your own world at the very tips of your fingers.
HAHA, don't make me laugh.
Sleep for me is never peaceful. At first i was running in some dreams (as mentioned in previous blog posts), and then finding just beautiful scenes of gore in others...But now they seem like a long string of events connected to one another, as if i were living a second life. It mostly takes place in a forest though but sometimes warehouses, temples on a foreign country, or giant labyrinths. But mostly forests occupy my dreams most nights. The dark forest's gloomy, dead trees are just so lifeless. Even the faint rustle of leaves have a dull tone to them and what little creature that are seen seem like an apparition. The only real signs of life i see are proxies, patrolling the forest as if they were eternally damned to do so.In the dreams, when i think I've found my "safe place" WHAM. A decapitated head plops on my lap and leaves me screaming into the dead forest. When i try to run my environment shifts and sways as if my mind is desperately trying to escape but some stronger, darker force is preventing it so. Sometimes i do managed to regain control over my surroundings by reminding myself it's my own mind and body and get away into a warehouse or a different section of the forest. Hey, it's not Disneyland but i'll take what i can get.
I do try to control my dreams though to defend myself, but nowadays it only seems like there's only a 20% chance of it working. Like there's some type of twisted dark matter within the atmosphere that's suppressing my ability to control my dreams, as a lucid dreamer should. I can still sense and remember everything though...just not control it very well...
I do find the occasional traps every now and then, but i mostly find them in cabins. Heh, once i saw one of the poor bastards trip a trap that poured acid on him. Unfortunately I've been victimized to this crap to, once i got my leg caught in bear trap and was stuck there for what seemed like hours on end...Eventually for of those masked bastards came upon me and conjured a hot poker and continuously beat be until i fell unconscious....Then i woke up in another part of the forest. Wounds healed but the searing pain and the smell of burnt flesh stayed with me. I just wish i had more experience in this type of crap. But i shouldn't worry that's what my Big Brother is for! He's planned on teaching me the basics of survival, knowing my traps, how to find one, ect. ect. ect. Unfortunately he has quite the drinking habit, but it normally doesn't get in out way.
The worst part is (okay maybe not the worst part but one of them) that when i wake up, it's like i barely got any sleep! So. Damn. Irritating. It's just so damn hard to tell whats real and whats not. You wake up one morning, get out of bed and walk right into a mother fucking forest. You could imagine that it gets irritating at times.One of the reasons why I was able to make a coherent blog posts with minimal errors was because these dream controlling demons left me to night a night of pure silence and darkness. I'm not sure if they were trying to scare me with "the fear of the dark" bull crap or what, BUT I FUCKING LOVED IT! I woke up, and i was sure of it.
Crap. What if they were preparing me for the worse that's yet to some? Or resting me up so that i could endure more of this torturous bull crap? I wish i wasn't such a worrier >.<
I need to stop worrying to i'll move onto a different subject. Let's talk dreams.
So my dreams may be strung up all together but there was one session in particular that stood out. I was treading carefully around the dead trees when there numbers began to taper in one section of the forest. It peaked my curiosity and i hustled over there (seeing how it was the only interesting thing that has happened in what seemed like hours then) trying to to stir the dead leaves as i did so. I did stop though around a 130 or so yards back to see that a large, black, oily looking lake has come into sight. Now keep in mind that even though it was at quite a distance away i controlled my dream in a way to enhance my sight so I didn't have to come close to this thing.This thing was massive, but the oddest part about it was the surface of the water. At first glance it just seemed to be small waves but when i got a closer look the surface writhed and trembled. It looked as if multiple hands were clawing desperately (and hopelessly) at the jet black bounds of this lake of despair.
I moved closer 50 or so yard to get a better look at it. Now that i was closer i could see that the surface didn't have a liquid look to it anymore but more so like a tar-ish like substance that was impossible to penetrate. The things clawing at the surface were indeed hands, claws, and other various limbs but none seemed to brake through. That was until a scaly clawed figure managed to break through.
At first i thought it was just an over sized limb stretching the surface but i knew it broke though once I saw it grip the edge of the land that laid before it. It slowly lured itself out of the oily looking tar, i could smell it faintly and was glad i wasn't any closer. I saw another limb break through but it was giant paw with jagged edged claws. I looked back at the other limb, confused, and saw that it had changed into a hoof with muscular legs lifting up the great mass of flesh out of the dark substance before it. The process was quite painful to watch, really.The two limbs morphed into the various legs and feet of other animals (and sometimes the hands and arms of humans) and finally hefted it's upper torso out of the dark wriggling mass and i saw the thing's head.
It's head was horrifying, at first i only saw the outline of what looked like to the head of large lizard(i guess you could say a dragon since it was at the appropriate size of one..). However it's shape shifted into that of a large wolf. Then into that of a lion, it's what was once to be thought majestic mane was matted and covered in the black smelly goo. The black seeped off of the head revealing it's eyes. Two white soulless orbs pierced through the black mass that was it's body. Those desolate globes seemed to drag every form of life around it into death. They formed an indescribable desolate type of atmosphere around this creature's very being. Making the forest near the edge of the pool look more empty and hopeless than it already was. Each eye held a glimmer in it though as if it was searching for a final release from it's very own hell. It had a mad glare to it an an anger that looked like it could shake the very earth to it's core if it wanted to. It open it maw (which took on the form of a muzzle) and let out a shattered, gargled screech that gouged the night sky and shook the forest (i had to cover my ears for in fear that i would wake up deaf). The creature held row after row of pristine white needle-like teeth that were stained a dark red with the blood of the helpless victims. It had matted bits of gore between some of them and i swear that if i would have looked closes enough, i could have seen maybe a hand or a leg.
The formed wavered as it was seemed to use all of it's strength to get out. It's limbs still changed it's forms as did the head, but the black substance crawled off of the front two legs and seeped back into the pool. The mismatched body managed to get half of itself out of the dark lake by this time and the black crap got off of the front limbs as well. The main torso of the creature shifted as well as the parts of it's body did, but it was quite hard to tell the difference since it only changed into that of four legged creatures. (I should have figured, because how inconvenient must it be to randomly change into the body of a giant chicken while you have the front legs of a horse, the back legs of a human, and the head of a lizard.) So body just looked like an ever shifting lumpy black mass, since the black made it unable to tell what type of body it beheld.
It hefted it's unimaginably immense remaining amount of weight onto the land and stayed there for moment while the black slowly oozed back into the writhing pool. It remained still, hunched over itself as if it were trying to regain it's strength. It's various body parts still changed, a claw on the right talon with an ape like hand on the left, or a whip like tail to shift into that of a horse. It slowly lumbered itself in my direction. I don't think it saw me since it made no "target lock" on me but i could still feel its mad, wandering eyes fall upon my being. Making me shiver to my very core. The adrenaline that pumped though my veins increased my eyesight further making me see even more detail of this beast from hell than i wanted to.
It had stitching that would connect itself at the very most major parts of the body, showing the boundary of where that limb would stop changing. Like the arm like limbs were connect at were your shoulders would be, the head at the neck, legs at the hip, and tail at the backside. A slicker looking black ooze bled through the crappy stitch work that somehow managed to hold. It left black streaks across the creature but they always faded into the being, giving it a shadowy look to itself.
The thing looked eyes with me and release a low, rumbling growl that twisted into a wail. It sat back on it's haunches, preparing itself to leap and it did. I swear my whole life flashed before my eyes...all of whom i have loved, lost, and never made amends with stung my very soul. When it was upon me and when i was sure i going to die i woke up. Startled, weeping uncontrollably, and very shaken up.
I am lead to believe that this creature will now haunt my dreams, and chase me down for whomever it's sick sadistic master may be. I also have a sick feeling it won't stop until it does so...I have no idea how to stop it and i am almost willing to take any help i get...
I will now lead this post to close, I apologize for the length of it. It is only to be expected since it is my first update since i stated my plans. I'll see you all later (if i'm still alive that is..)
Yours truly~
Den Varg
Damn it!
Whoever is messing with my mind is doing one hell of a job I'm literally almost at that point where it's hard to distinguish dreams from reality. But let's not concentrate on the negative shall we? I do have quite an interesting a dream to discuss but I'm going jot down a few things first.
Ever since I've started on my little "mission" I've been lured into a more deeper and lucid dream state than usual. However it still maintains the qualities of dream, always shifting at the most random of times so it's always just so hard to tell whats a tell-tale slender sign or a proxy...or at least until they attack me that is. But I've only been attacked while in a dream state...heh, pussies. Some might have been an actual part of the dream though, since they always seem to shift into something else before they reach me. Which is another reason why i didn't update sooner, I just thought it was all a part of my mind. But others, the real ones? I won't lie, I end up getting my ass handed to me every time we engage in combat but they don't kill me. I also do damage them pretty badly, which i'm ever so proud of ^~^ They're probably just trying to scare me, but i'm still not a big fan of waking up with multiple bruises, scratches, and paranoid state of mind.
Also another thing i've noticed is that instead of getting less sleep like other slender troubled victims, I've been getting more sleep. However this is not as much as a luxury as it really seems. To be in a peaceful, carefree state of reality, enjoying the control of your own world at the very tips of your fingers.
HAHA, don't make me laugh.
Sleep for me is never peaceful. At first i was running in some dreams (as mentioned in previous blog posts), and then finding just beautiful scenes of gore in others...But now they seem like a long string of events connected to one another, as if i were living a second life. It mostly takes place in a forest though but sometimes warehouses, temples on a foreign country, or giant labyrinths. But mostly forests occupy my dreams most nights. The dark forest's gloomy, dead trees are just so lifeless. Even the faint rustle of leaves have a dull tone to them and what little creature that are seen seem like an apparition. The only real signs of life i see are proxies, patrolling the forest as if they were eternally damned to do so.In the dreams, when i think I've found my "safe place" WHAM. A decapitated head plops on my lap and leaves me screaming into the dead forest. When i try to run my environment shifts and sways as if my mind is desperately trying to escape but some stronger, darker force is preventing it so. Sometimes i do managed to regain control over my surroundings by reminding myself it's my own mind and body and get away into a warehouse or a different section of the forest. Hey, it's not Disneyland but i'll take what i can get.
I do try to control my dreams though to defend myself, but nowadays it only seems like there's only a 20% chance of it working. Like there's some type of twisted dark matter within the atmosphere that's suppressing my ability to control my dreams, as a lucid dreamer should. I can still sense and remember everything though...just not control it very well...
I do find the occasional traps every now and then, but i mostly find them in cabins. Heh, once i saw one of the poor bastards trip a trap that poured acid on him. Unfortunately I've been victimized to this crap to, once i got my leg caught in bear trap and was stuck there for what seemed like hours on end...Eventually for of those masked bastards came upon me and conjured a hot poker and continuously beat be until i fell unconscious....Then i woke up in another part of the forest. Wounds healed but the searing pain and the smell of burnt flesh stayed with me. I just wish i had more experience in this type of crap. But i shouldn't worry that's what my Big Brother is for! He's planned on teaching me the basics of survival, knowing my traps, how to find one, ect. ect. ect. Unfortunately he has quite the drinking habit, but it normally doesn't get in out way.
The worst part is (okay maybe not the worst part but one of them) that when i wake up, it's like i barely got any sleep! So. Damn. Irritating. It's just so damn hard to tell whats real and whats not. You wake up one morning, get out of bed and walk right into a mother fucking forest. You could imagine that it gets irritating at times.One of the reasons why I was able to make a coherent blog posts with minimal errors was because these dream controlling demons left me to night a night of pure silence and darkness. I'm not sure if they were trying to scare me with "the fear of the dark" bull crap or what, BUT I FUCKING LOVED IT! I woke up, and i was sure of it.
Crap. What if they were preparing me for the worse that's yet to some? Or resting me up so that i could endure more of this torturous bull crap? I wish i wasn't such a worrier >.<
I need to stop worrying to i'll move onto a different subject. Let's talk dreams.
So my dreams may be strung up all together but there was one session in particular that stood out. I was treading carefully around the dead trees when there numbers began to taper in one section of the forest. It peaked my curiosity and i hustled over there (seeing how it was the only interesting thing that has happened in what seemed like hours then) trying to to stir the dead leaves as i did so. I did stop though around a 130 or so yards back to see that a large, black, oily looking lake has come into sight. Now keep in mind that even though it was at quite a distance away i controlled my dream in a way to enhance my sight so I didn't have to come close to this thing.This thing was massive, but the oddest part about it was the surface of the water. At first glance it just seemed to be small waves but when i got a closer look the surface writhed and trembled. It looked as if multiple hands were clawing desperately (and hopelessly) at the jet black bounds of this lake of despair.
I moved closer 50 or so yard to get a better look at it. Now that i was closer i could see that the surface didn't have a liquid look to it anymore but more so like a tar-ish like substance that was impossible to penetrate. The things clawing at the surface were indeed hands, claws, and other various limbs but none seemed to brake through. That was until a scaly clawed figure managed to break through.
At first i thought it was just an over sized limb stretching the surface but i knew it broke though once I saw it grip the edge of the land that laid before it. It slowly lured itself out of the oily looking tar, i could smell it faintly and was glad i wasn't any closer. I saw another limb break through but it was giant paw with jagged edged claws. I looked back at the other limb, confused, and saw that it had changed into a hoof with muscular legs lifting up the great mass of flesh out of the dark substance before it. The process was quite painful to watch, really.The two limbs morphed into the various legs and feet of other animals (and sometimes the hands and arms of humans) and finally hefted it's upper torso out of the dark wriggling mass and i saw the thing's head.
It's head was horrifying, at first i only saw the outline of what looked like to the head of large lizard(i guess you could say a dragon since it was at the appropriate size of one..). However it's shape shifted into that of a large wolf. Then into that of a lion, it's what was once to be thought majestic mane was matted and covered in the black smelly goo. The black seeped off of the head revealing it's eyes. Two white soulless orbs pierced through the black mass that was it's body. Those desolate globes seemed to drag every form of life around it into death. They formed an indescribable desolate type of atmosphere around this creature's very being. Making the forest near the edge of the pool look more empty and hopeless than it already was. Each eye held a glimmer in it though as if it was searching for a final release from it's very own hell. It had a mad glare to it an an anger that looked like it could shake the very earth to it's core if it wanted to. It open it maw (which took on the form of a muzzle) and let out a shattered, gargled screech that gouged the night sky and shook the forest (i had to cover my ears for in fear that i would wake up deaf). The creature held row after row of pristine white needle-like teeth that were stained a dark red with the blood of the helpless victims. It had matted bits of gore between some of them and i swear that if i would have looked closes enough, i could have seen maybe a hand or a leg.
The formed wavered as it was seemed to use all of it's strength to get out. It's limbs still changed it's forms as did the head, but the black substance crawled off of the front two legs and seeped back into the pool. The mismatched body managed to get half of itself out of the dark lake by this time and the black crap got off of the front limbs as well. The main torso of the creature shifted as well as the parts of it's body did, but it was quite hard to tell the difference since it only changed into that of four legged creatures. (I should have figured, because how inconvenient must it be to randomly change into the body of a giant chicken while you have the front legs of a horse, the back legs of a human, and the head of a lizard.) So body just looked like an ever shifting lumpy black mass, since the black made it unable to tell what type of body it beheld.
It hefted it's unimaginably immense remaining amount of weight onto the land and stayed there for moment while the black slowly oozed back into the writhing pool. It remained still, hunched over itself as if it were trying to regain it's strength. It's various body parts still changed, a claw on the right talon with an ape like hand on the left, or a whip like tail to shift into that of a horse. It slowly lumbered itself in my direction. I don't think it saw me since it made no "target lock" on me but i could still feel its mad, wandering eyes fall upon my being. Making me shiver to my very core. The adrenaline that pumped though my veins increased my eyesight further making me see even more detail of this beast from hell than i wanted to.
It had stitching that would connect itself at the very most major parts of the body, showing the boundary of where that limb would stop changing. Like the arm like limbs were connect at were your shoulders would be, the head at the neck, legs at the hip, and tail at the backside. A slicker looking black ooze bled through the crappy stitch work that somehow managed to hold. It left black streaks across the creature but they always faded into the being, giving it a shadowy look to itself.
The thing looked eyes with me and release a low, rumbling growl that twisted into a wail. It sat back on it's haunches, preparing itself to leap and it did. I swear my whole life flashed before my eyes...all of whom i have loved, lost, and never made amends with stung my very soul. When it was upon me and when i was sure i going to die i woke up. Startled, weeping uncontrollably, and very shaken up.
I am lead to believe that this creature will now haunt my dreams, and chase me down for whomever it's sick sadistic master may be. I also have a sick feeling it won't stop until it does so...I have no idea how to stop it and i am almost willing to take any help i get...
I will now lead this post to close, I apologize for the length of it. It is only to be expected since it is my first update since i stated my plans. I'll see you all later (if i'm still alive that is..)
Yours truly~
Den Varg
Monday, November 14, 2011
Children these days...
My, My.
What have you gotten into now? I finally find time out of my busy fucking to schedule to check up on your blog (which by the way is supposed to HELP YOU, not inspire you to put yourself into more fucking danger) and see this little gem:
"I'm going to try to fight these nightmares...I'm going to see out the truth"
THE FUCK?!?!?!?
Now you've actual decided to go after this fucking...god i don't know what you want to call them, things?!?! Do you have ANY idea what in HELL you've gotten yourself into? Do you even know what you have started by openly declaring that you're going after them( or attempting to anyways..) You could of at least had a small chance by trying to forget about it LIKE I'VE BEEN TRYING TO GET YOU TO DO THIS WHOLE ENTIRE FUCKING TIME.
These damn, stubborn ass kids these days...You're doing nothing but chasing shadows you know that? And you know what'll happen when you find out what casts those shadows? Do more than shit your pants, that's for fucking sure...Just leave things as they are and i'm abso-fucking-lutely
positive things will be back to normal. I'll make sure of it this time.
However if you do continue on with this craptastic plan of yours, just try to be safe please. You're literally the only damn family member i keep in contact still and i don't want to lose that. So if you manage to get in trouble, you can count on me to get you out of it. As much as i fucking want you to learn your damn lesson, i'll still help you out. However don't take this as a sign to leeroy jenkins yourself into as much damn trouble as possible because then i'll REALLY be fucking pissed at you. But I WON'T help you chase down these assholes, in your weird ass dream world or in the real fucking world either.
If you're heart is STILL fucking set on after chasing your nightmares, heed my warning:
They're more than just beings of dreams, they can actually FUCKING hurt you in the waking world and WILL come after you.
Please try to stay safe
-BB
Friday, November 4, 2011
Reborn
I'm truly scared. I tried so hard to fight against the fear but i just don't know how to fight it anymore. I don't even think it's possible to fight anymore, but I think that i have a pretty good idea of what to do. It's probably better than the "sweep it under a rug" thing i tried to do, but don't worry. All shall hopefully be explained to you and then maybe..just maybe i will have someone that understands as well.
First and foremost, let me apologize. I'm sorry for the lack of posts for the... fuck i don't know, months or so. It's just that I want to erase all that i knew from my mind. I wanted to bury the horrid dreams and the fright that has crept into my mind and stated there like a parasite.To let the fear that i has enveloped get lost within the endless folds of time, but alas, it would not fade. No matter what did, or how hard i tried it would. not. leave. Hell, i even tried out a therapist for Christs sake, it didn't last long but i tried. All they wanted to do is shove fucking pills down my throat, and there was no way in HELL i was OK with that. My friends? I don't really have any, after middle school i became home schooled and i really only have one who has been with me through the end. I pray that he never gets caught up in this shit. However even he know my troubles and do what they can...and god bless his soul for trying to help but.it's not quite working. But if you nightmare-ish bastards are reading this, please leave them the hell alone. They of all people deserve a better life than this..and my brother, to put it simply, is a worthless fuck when it comes to helping me. All he tries to do is persuade it me it isn't real, that it's just an overactive imagination of mine. I'll give him brownie points for trying though ( as worthless his "help" was). The dark thoughts kept crawling back, reaching out with dark tendrils to poison the last bit of comfort I've manage to salvage. All i wanted to do was just run away from this mental madness...but how could i run from something that was within my mind?
But now, I've decided to try to fight these nightmares of mind and reality. Instead of trying to hide away the knowledge in the dark corners of my mind, I'm going to seek out the truth. I will no longer live in fear of these bastard monstrosities that dance grimly in my nightmares. I will seek out the truth behind the madness, the reason to it all and the way to defeat it. I don't know who I can count on though...I'm not 100% sure if my brother and Matt would go for this. My brother just pushes me away from the internet when he can. "It's nothing but lies, just fucking children stories. You're to damn old for that" "You're obsession with this is unhealthy, if you can't even get over you're dreams how the hell do you expect to even forget about this shit. That's if it even happened." Hmm. That asshole, but that's my brother for ya... I'm pretty sure i'll get an earful on blogger later about how rash i am. Well, that's a suffering i'm willing to endure, because he can either help me or GTFO. No matter how hard he tries to keep the truth hidden, i will always have the gentle itch of curiosity tug at the my back mind, and it won't be satisfied unless i find answers. In fact, it i kinda hope it will never be satisfied. When it comes to relying on my friend on the other hand...well I really don't want to get my my friend involved...i really don't.....but if worst comes to worst and i have no one else to rely on, i guess i'll just have to turn to him(whose name is Matt by the way if ya haven't caught that by now :P). But i'll try my best to keep the burdens of my own mind to myself, even if it results in my own mental ruination.
So now this blog is reborn, into something much more than just a simple dream log. It is my now my journey towards the light, no matter how dark it may seem. However yes i will still log my dreams, i have a feeling they're much more important than i thought. No longer are they just ways to psycho-analyze your subconscious, but they are now nightmares so lucid the aftermath revealed after awaking is coming to point where it's almost considered "gruesome".
Now i promise, with God and whoever reads this as my witness, that i will post every dream. Every detail. Every encounter. Every single fucking horror that haunts me to the best extent of my knowledge, and i promise that i will discover the truth and end my madness once and for all.
First and foremost, let me apologize. I'm sorry for the lack of posts for the... fuck i don't know, months or so. It's just that I want to erase all that i knew from my mind. I wanted to bury the horrid dreams and the fright that has crept into my mind and stated there like a parasite.To let the fear that i has enveloped get lost within the endless folds of time, but alas, it would not fade. No matter what did, or how hard i tried it would. not. leave. Hell, i even tried out a therapist for Christs sake, it didn't last long but i tried. All they wanted to do is shove fucking pills down my throat, and there was no way in HELL i was OK with that. My friends? I don't really have any, after middle school i became home schooled and i really only have one who has been with me through the end. I pray that he never gets caught up in this shit. However even he know my troubles and do what they can...and god bless his soul for trying to help but.it's not quite working. But if you nightmare-ish bastards are reading this, please leave them the hell alone. They of all people deserve a better life than this..and my brother, to put it simply, is a worthless fuck when it comes to helping me. All he tries to do is persuade it me it isn't real, that it's just an overactive imagination of mine. I'll give him brownie points for trying though ( as worthless his "help" was). The dark thoughts kept crawling back, reaching out with dark tendrils to poison the last bit of comfort I've manage to salvage. All i wanted to do was just run away from this mental madness...but how could i run from something that was within my mind?
But now, I've decided to try to fight these nightmares of mind and reality. Instead of trying to hide away the knowledge in the dark corners of my mind, I'm going to seek out the truth. I will no longer live in fear of these bastard monstrosities that dance grimly in my nightmares. I will seek out the truth behind the madness, the reason to it all and the way to defeat it. I don't know who I can count on though...I'm not 100% sure if my brother and Matt would go for this. My brother just pushes me away from the internet when he can. "It's nothing but lies, just fucking children stories. You're to damn old for that" "You're obsession with this is unhealthy, if you can't even get over you're dreams how the hell do you expect to even forget about this shit. That's if it even happened." Hmm. That asshole, but that's my brother for ya... I'm pretty sure i'll get an earful on blogger later about how rash i am. Well, that's a suffering i'm willing to endure, because he can either help me or GTFO. No matter how hard he tries to keep the truth hidden, i will always have the gentle itch of curiosity tug at the my back mind, and it won't be satisfied unless i find answers. In fact, it i kinda hope it will never be satisfied. When it comes to relying on my friend on the other hand...well I really don't want to get my my friend involved...i really don't.....but if worst comes to worst and i have no one else to rely on, i guess i'll just have to turn to him(whose name is Matt by the way if ya haven't caught that by now :P). But i'll try my best to keep the burdens of my own mind to myself, even if it results in my own mental ruination.
So now this blog is reborn, into something much more than just a simple dream log. It is my now my journey towards the light, no matter how dark it may seem. However yes i will still log my dreams, i have a feeling they're much more important than i thought. No longer are they just ways to psycho-analyze your subconscious, but they are now nightmares so lucid the aftermath revealed after awaking is coming to point where it's almost considered "gruesome".
Now i promise, with God and whoever reads this as my witness, that i will post every dream. Every detail. Every encounter. Every single fucking horror that haunts me to the best extent of my knowledge, and i promise that i will discover the truth and end my madness once and for all.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Cobwebs everywhere
Man is it me or is this blog growing cobwebs? I swear its like why bother even having it? And is it me or did the orange color change?And why does this font seem so small?!?!!?
but that's beside the point.
Between not giving a fuck about reading most blogs and actually having a damn life, I never actually really had motive to go on here other to help out my sister....And after reading her recent post i can see that she's not fairing to well....
Although i regrettably have to admit she did have a point 2 posts ago trying to leverage fear for knowledge XP, so i guess the tough guy act isn't just me. Still though, if any of you freaks or weirdos even THINK bout harming her i will make you beg for death. But lets try not to stray off topic shall we?
Like i mentioned the only interest i have in this blog is to help her, and i'll do whatever it takes to help. Even if it means "prying" into her personal life (i swear i didn't mean for that to sound as harsh as it did). I just mean that, she's just a kid still (well to me at least) and i want her to enjoy life to the fullest with no worries, no stress, or no troubles! I also am trying my best to understand whats going on, i mean at least i'm attempting to read a blog or two(which reminds me to add more to reading list later..) but i honestly (and no offense) don't give a shit about anyone else. Only her, since she IS family and all. So i'm just an innocent guy trying to help out a....troubled family member. Also since, i kinda moved it's really hard to help her since i'm not really there in person. I know there will be times to visit but i have a really busy work scheduled and i'm trying to plan a wedding which makes me reliant on this magical device called a PHONE and this strange contraption called this.. this....INTERNET.
:P(hehehehehe)
Point being whether she likes it or not, I'm here to help her out. So to start on such, i'm going to be giving updates on her when i can. (which is kind of pathetic since she should do this herself since she knows herself better than i do. i'm just saying)
So i guess i'll start now.
Recently....she hasn't been to well....and judging by the amount of errors in her most recent post, i don't think she's improving. In the time before I left, she always seemed to be taking a nap. Whether it was after school, on the weekends, at the beach, in the car and i just thought it was just your average teenage angst/depression so i never really put much thought into it but i was curious on what she would be depressed about. So i just started to try to get some info out of her on small stuff with a touch of brotherly love, like the typical "Hows school like, chump" and "Hey get that snorlax out of route 11"(brownie points on whoever gets the reference), and the lovely "Why the fuck are you sleeping so much". (Subtlety was never my thing....) The only SOMEWHAT useful reply i got was "...i need to know more" or " I would tell you but you wouldn't understand, since you didn't read those damn blogs like i told you to!".....Well shit. She did get me there..I still fail to understand how the problems of others can be hers as well.
Grrrr.....women...... I guess if i just HAVE to read other blogs then so be it.....
Also, even though it seems like she's always asleep every hour of the day, when she's awake she acts like she hasn't slept in 2 days. You'd think she's storing energy in little bottles or something with all of that sleep. She's also kind of more distant than she used to be, always zoning out into blank spaces with vacant yet concentrating type of look on her face. I swear that girl is a mystery wrapped in an enigma.
The last thing is odd, i don't really know why she does it but she kind of twitches in her sleep. I'm not sure if this is related to the night screaming that she's used to do or not but it seems pretty odd to me. Only because sometimes she twitches when she's awake. Its not really twitching though when she's awake...its more like just really jerky hand motions when she's going to do something, or just moving really quickly after being called to attention after she just zoned out. But it's like she does it when no ones watching (or when she thinks no ones there). Which is pretty odd, because if she can control it then why twitch? And if you're going to control the twitch, then wouldn't it make more sense to do it in front of people for attention?
Well, Varg if you're going to read this post by any chance would it kill ya to give even just a tiiiiiiiiny explanation? or even a hint! Because, with all due respect, you're just confusing as fuck just so ya know -.-'
So i'll take my leave and post some other time. But keep in mind I do have quite a busy life so i may not be able to post soon.
WHICH ALSO MEANS I'M RELYING ON YOU VARG TO POST TO!
Later.
but that's beside the point.
Between not giving a fuck about reading most blogs and actually having a damn life, I never actually really had motive to go on here other to help out my sister....And after reading her recent post i can see that she's not fairing to well....
Although i regrettably have to admit she did have a point 2 posts ago trying to leverage fear for knowledge XP, so i guess the tough guy act isn't just me. Still though, if any of you freaks or weirdos even THINK bout harming her i will make you beg for death. But lets try not to stray off topic shall we?
Like i mentioned the only interest i have in this blog is to help her, and i'll do whatever it takes to help. Even if it means "prying" into her personal life (i swear i didn't mean for that to sound as harsh as it did). I just mean that, she's just a kid still (well to me at least) and i want her to enjoy life to the fullest with no worries, no stress, or no troubles! I also am trying my best to understand whats going on, i mean at least i'm attempting to read a blog or two(which reminds me to add more to reading list later..) but i honestly (and no offense) don't give a shit about anyone else. Only her, since she IS family and all. So i'm just an innocent guy trying to help out a....troubled family member. Also since, i kinda moved it's really hard to help her since i'm not really there in person. I know there will be times to visit but i have a really busy work scheduled and i'm trying to plan a wedding which makes me reliant on this magical device called a PHONE and this strange contraption called this.. this....INTERNET.
:P(hehehehehe)
Point being whether she likes it or not, I'm here to help her out. So to start on such, i'm going to be giving updates on her when i can. (which is kind of pathetic since she should do this herself since she knows herself better than i do. i'm just saying)
So i guess i'll start now.
Recently....she hasn't been to well....and judging by the amount of errors in her most recent post, i don't think she's improving. In the time before I left, she always seemed to be taking a nap. Whether it was after school, on the weekends, at the beach, in the car and i just thought it was just your average teenage angst/depression so i never really put much thought into it but i was curious on what she would be depressed about. So i just started to try to get some info out of her on small stuff with a touch of brotherly love, like the typical "Hows school like, chump" and "Hey get that snorlax out of route 11"(brownie points on whoever gets the reference), and the lovely "Why the fuck are you sleeping so much". (Subtlety was never my thing....) The only SOMEWHAT useful reply i got was "...i need to know more" or " I would tell you but you wouldn't understand, since you didn't read those damn blogs like i told you to!".....Well shit. She did get me there..I still fail to understand how the problems of others can be hers as well.
Grrrr.....women...... I guess if i just HAVE to read other blogs then so be it.....
Also, even though it seems like she's always asleep every hour of the day, when she's awake she acts like she hasn't slept in 2 days. You'd think she's storing energy in little bottles or something with all of that sleep. She's also kind of more distant than she used to be, always zoning out into blank spaces with vacant yet concentrating type of look on her face. I swear that girl is a mystery wrapped in an enigma.
The last thing is odd, i don't really know why she does it but she kind of twitches in her sleep. I'm not sure if this is related to the night screaming that she's used to do or not but it seems pretty odd to me. Only because sometimes she twitches when she's awake. Its not really twitching though when she's awake...its more like just really jerky hand motions when she's going to do something, or just moving really quickly after being called to attention after she just zoned out. But it's like she does it when no ones watching (or when she thinks no ones there). Which is pretty odd, because if she can control it then why twitch? And if you're going to control the twitch, then wouldn't it make more sense to do it in front of people for attention?
Well, Varg if you're going to read this post by any chance would it kill ya to give even just a tiiiiiiiiny explanation? or even a hint! Because, with all due respect, you're just confusing as fuck just so ya know -.-'
So i'll take my leave and post some other time. But keep in mind I do have quite a busy life so i may not be able to post soon.
WHICH ALSO MEANS I'M RELYING ON YOU VARG TO POST TO!
Later.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Apologies for the absence
Sorry being gone for a while, been busy with school, life and whotnot....
I haven't being sleeping well lately but i'll elaborate later(ortry to anyways))
I can't make this long, gotta go soon and help my brother move into his new place today, im going to try to pressure him into posting for me ^u^ Aren;t i a wonderful sister?
Anywhos is anyone else having twitter problems?
i cant log into my account >,< (mabey it has something to do with my email account i linked it to, since it got blocked)
Unfortunatelly i'll have to make my leave here, let's hope i dont trip and kill myself in my barely concious sleep deprived state of mind :'D
btw spell checking's for loozers and fully awake people :D
WAIT WAIT
before i go, can somebody keep me up to date on whats happening...been to busy being locked up in my own little world to realize whats going on around me...sorry....
Thursday, August 18, 2011
bluh older sibling >:O (and other things)
bluh i unwilling had to let my brother join my blog. Unfortunately for me he's trained in the ancient art of "lets beat the crap out of her until she gives in" type of persuasion and I'm no match against him .Then again if i didn't let him into my blog he would have gotten the rest my family involved and shit would have hit a giant rainbow colored, spiked, metaphorical fan. Plus i just want them to stay safe, who knows what kind of crazy shit could happen to them.
On a side note please ignore the whole ominous looking Big Brother's Watching you deal, he's just trying to make up what he lacks in knowledge with fear. Heh, i might nickname as him my guard dog (or wolf heh) since he's acting like a big fat lazy one with all of this barking but no biting :P I know i'm going to get punched for that later, but at the moment I REGRET NOTHING!!!!
On a side note please ignore the whole ominous looking Big Brother's Watching you deal, he's just trying to make up what he lacks in knowledge with fear. Heh, i might nickname as him my guard dog (or wolf heh) since he's acting like a big fat lazy one with all of this barking but no biting :P I know i'm going to get punched for that later, but at the moment I REGRET NOTHING!!!!
Hehe, i wonder if any other evil doers are using the same technique of replacing knowledge with fear, because that would make a TON of sense from the looks of it:P
I guess now i'm sorta forced to post 'cause with BigBrother giving info on me, someone has to make sure its not false. Or worse, what if he posts baby pictures or tells embarrassing stories of me?!?!!?!?
Great now i have constant blog paranoia., but then again i guess that's the "fun" of having older siblings isn't it?I know he probably means me well but i wish he'd just let me move at my own pace -.- But if i do that then he thinks i'm procrastinating!! Blargh i just can't win can i?
Perhaps he's just trying to help me relieve some stress by getting me to tell everybody everything.
Blah i will never figure out what goes on in that mind of his....
However it's not like i keep this all to myself or anything, i do have a friend i like to share my dreams and keep up to date with as well so i'm not completely alone in this mess. He of all people should know that i'm not comfortable spilling my guts out to various people who I've never even met(well at least not very well) before! .That's why i tried my best to keep a strictly a Dream Log( speaking of dreams i'll get to those in a sec), however according to him it should be more than that :/. Well lets just see how things work out for now, i think this is a totally pointless idea but that stubborn little man thinks otherwise.
Perhaps he's just trying to help me relieve some stress by getting me to tell everybody everything.
Blah i will never figure out what goes on in that mind of his....
However it's not like i keep this all to myself or anything, i do have a friend i like to share my dreams and keep up to date with as well so i'm not completely alone in this mess. He of all people should know that i'm not comfortable spilling my guts out to various people who I've never even met(well at least not very well) before! .That's why i tried my best to keep a strictly a Dream Log( speaking of dreams i'll get to those in a sec), however according to him it should be more than that :/. Well lets just see how things work out for now, i think this is a totally pointless idea but that stubborn little man thinks otherwise.
since the issue is related to dreaming i guess i'll have to tell him about it eventually. Which probably means i should talk about other things like the the aftermath of dreaming( like waking up with scratches) before he outs me on that to....But i'd like to do it on my own time at my own pace and through blogger as well, i'm not comfortable with telling him this stuff face to face. I guess this is why they always have the patient facing another direction in a therapists office isn't it?
Well It is getting late and I've just taken another lovely dose of this medicine which means i should be going to bed shortly.
So i guess this is where i sign off then isn't it?
See you all later, Varg out.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Guess who's watching
Hey everybody, It's Varg's older brother here. I know this somewhat sudden but after stumbling upon her unknown blogger account i had to know what she kept a secret. I mean, I know a girls got her secrets and some privacy that she's like to have respected but C'mon.
She had dreams about ME, and not only dreams but what she described them to be kind of sounded like nightmares...and they're getting pretty frequent to which worries me as well. What also worries me is how she talks about people called "proxies" and talks of some dude called "Slenderman" or "slendy" or "sm" and from what i've read through her blog posts and the wonderful vast ocean of knowledge called the internet, having those baddies in your dreams can only lead to no good. I also think a little family/moral support might actually do her some good. I mean, I'm not saying the rest of you is nothing but chopped liver but still, there's nothing better than good ol' family comfort.Also after reading every post of the blog i don't believe she's being completely honest with all of you, like as in not telling the whole story. Like, how she woke up twice lightly flailing and whimpering. I know it MAY have been possible that she forgotten the dream(or is to stubborn to say what it was)but she could have at least told you all what happened for some comfort or any advice that could have possibly been given(i don't know what the hell kind of advice that would be but what do i know).
So i decided if she's gonna give you slice you might as well have the whole cake.
After all, it's not nice to be a little greedy now is it?
She had dreams about ME, and not only dreams but what she described them to be kind of sounded like nightmares...and they're getting pretty frequent to which worries me as well. What also worries me is how she talks about people called "proxies" and talks of some dude called "Slenderman" or "slendy" or "sm" and from what i've read through her blog posts and the wonderful vast ocean of knowledge called the internet, having those baddies in your dreams can only lead to no good. I also think a little family/moral support might actually do her some good. I mean, I'm not saying the rest of you is nothing but chopped liver but still, there's nothing better than good ol' family comfort.Also after reading every post of the blog i don't believe she's being completely honest with all of you, like as in not telling the whole story. Like, how she woke up twice lightly flailing and whimpering. I know it MAY have been possible that she forgotten the dream(or is to stubborn to say what it was)but she could have at least told you all what happened for some comfort or any advice that could have possibly been given(i don't know what the hell kind of advice that would be but what do i know).
So i decided if she's gonna give you slice you might as well have the whole cake.
After all, it's not nice to be a little greedy now is it?
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Well its been a while
Hello there, sorry about the small absence. I just got caught up in to many things, and i was raised with the "don't speak unless your spoken to" kind of mind so i guess that sorta played a role in it as well. Nevertheless I will still be doing updates, just not as often i suppose (unless its extremely important, obviously).
Now lets talk dreams. They won't be ordered by the date i've had them since i can't really remember when they occurred...but hey, at least i remember the dreams themselves. I'll give a small synopsis of them and spare you the boring not-so-important details. I've been having quite a few of them, sometimes they were lucid or other times they had like a fuzzy static about them like a bad quality camera that just got dropped. At first i thought that it was just my mind relaying various bits of information that i knew but now these dreams are becoming more often and its starting to worry me. I'm just hoping that all it is is a small case of common paranoia.
Now to the dreams
I was being chased by somebody, i can't remember who or what was chasing me, might have been a proxy. I was in a desert and it was extremely hot but also extremely windy. As i was running i came across a temple with Egyptian architecture. As i weaved through the pillars trying to evade my predator i took notice to the details of it. I saw etchings of a man with a rams head on the side of the temple along side some other things depicting either a ram or a rams head in some way. I first thought it was a trap so i made my ways out of pillars and ran off to the side of the temple, where the dream began to change its form. It changed to where i was running(still being chased) towards a stream with a large pool at the mouth of it. As an attempt to get away i dived head first into the pool, but then i woke up.
You see, i thought this was a really odd dream because i know absolutely NOTHING of Egyptian mythology and whatnot. So the odds of my mind relaying various bits of info was ruled out immediately. Now the day after i did some research and i came across the god named Herishef/Harsaphes/Khnum/Heryshaf and the city(?) named Herakleopolis. At first i just saw it was the god connected to water and fertility. I definitely don't plan on having any kids anytime soon so i thought maybe it was about creativity and having new ideas. But then after seeing Elaines post and looking at posts i ran across during my research from other bloggers, i began realizing maybe it does have something to do with Him after all.
But i got lost through half of that due to lack of knowledge about Egypt, but at least i have a small grasp of what relation that He has with Heryshaf. Now all i have to figure out is why i had this dream, but then again isn't that a question we would all just love to answer? Sorry if i got any information wrong, like i said, i know nothing about Egypt.
The next dreams I'm just going to type them out as a set because they all have that fuzzy quality to them and i can't tell where they end nor begin >.<
In one dream i was a proxy, i had the whole mask and shady looking dress ware. I think i w as stalking people, when i got a first real assignment. And that was to kill my parents.I remembered that they would die regardless of what i did. I was horrified, i remember i tried to save them. Despite all of my efforts to try to save them they still died. It was a rather odd death, the earth opened up and swallowed them whole. At least it was (hopefully) painless.
The next bit was rather odd. That night i was staying at my aunts house due to a family member being hospitalized and i never really liked sleeping in her living room. Always gave me the creeps, you know? Back to the dream, in my dream i was at my aunts house wandering it. It had like this weird greenish/blue glow to it as i was wandering. The dream half/shifted, like i was in the living room but everything else around me turned into a field with a forest around the edges. I was at the far side of them room watching myself sleep on the sofa when He was there at the edge where my feet where staring at the dream me. I felt an immense amount of fear come over me and i felt paralyzed on the spot. He beckoned me to come closer and in my fear stricken state curiosity gnawed at the edges of my mind. Immobilized my fear but propelled by curiosity i began to inch forward, dying to know why i was beckoned. As i moved forward the dream began to blur and become and static-y like i mentioned earlier. It was like how camera and other technical goodies malfunctioned when he was near. It also began to fade and eventually i was left with darkness and the dream just ends from i suppose.
The next (and last one) was about me being stalked by a proxy. I would pass him in the streets and see him glaring at me from a distance but i never caught a good glimpse of him,until he bumped into me and his hoodie fell back and i saw that my stalker was in fact my brother. I was extremely shocked and i tried to grab his sleeve but he knocked me into the wall(which he has done in real life and it hurts ALOT) and i blacked out. In my dream i woke up on my bed and i heard screaming so i tried to get out of bed but my mother quickly opened the door and told me just to go back to sleep. I have no idea why i did, i must have not had complete control of the dream or else i wouldn't have done so. But when i woke up(in the dream) i smelled smoke and i got out of bed and quickly ran to the door. I saw my brother burning the bodies of the remaining members of the family(who were headless) in the living room. Horrified and not wanting to get caught by him and his partner, i ran out back and what i saw was rather ugly. All of the heads of the family members were in the garden with stakes through their skulls. Ugh, what a horrible memory >.< i shudder just typing it out. But my brother caught me despite my efforts of trying to escape and i was forced to join him into proxy hood. It was weird though, i felt at peace once i did. I mean i did feel grief for my family but once i joined him it was like i said a moment ago, peaceful.
Odd little thingss aren't they? I've had other ones but i don't feel like they're worth mentioning. I CAn't remember them to well and they're probably just fabrications of the mind. I still worry though because i've been predicting things lately by dream. I doubt any of those can come true but when i saw prediction i don't mean the whole scenario and whatnot is foretold but small snips of it. For example i had a dream i was swimming in a pool with golden water in a temple with someone whom i never met before. 3 months later i met the exact same person i saw in my dream. You see though the thing is with thins dream prediction thing is, that even if it does come true, it'll be months away and its only one small part. So i can't really dwell on most of these things and when they do come true it's like a huge frustrating slap in face because i didn't see it coming.
Wow i wrote more than what i was expecting to. Sorry if i wasted your time but a little update is nice every now and then. Pardon the spelling and grammar mistakes, i don't feel like correcting them at the moment.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
another small update
Went to an amusement park with my friends and just hanging out. Been getting these massive headaches on occasion. It's like they come in wavess with the pain rising, then goes down slowly..
WEnt homE looked in the mirror found a faint X on my forehead. dont know how long its been there, dont know where it came from. Looks sort of like ash, been trying to get a good picture of it but its really light and you can barely make it out. i've noticed it headaches been more painful since i've noticed the X.
Brought a friend over for the night to unwind and cath up on things. Been listening to musix to reduce the pain.
On a lighter note my better laptop jhas been repaired so now i can make bigger blog posts (if i feel like it). One will be on my past paranormal experiences just to archive them so i don't forget them. Another will be on dreams, mainly lucid dreaming but dreaming none the less.
On a completely unrelated note my friends pushed me into eating a Mcgangbang. I normally don't eat McDonalds but it was......a rather unique expiernce.
To lazt to edit this.
See you all later
Stay safe and live happy
denUrenVarg
WEnt homE looked in the mirror found a faint X on my forehead. dont know how long its been there, dont know where it came from. Looks sort of like ash, been trying to get a good picture of it but its really light and you can barely make it out. i've noticed it headaches been more painful since i've noticed the X.
Brought a friend over for the night to unwind and cath up on things. Been listening to musix to reduce the pain.
On a lighter note my better laptop jhas been repaired so now i can make bigger blog posts (if i feel like it). One will be on my past paranormal experiences just to archive them so i don't forget them. Another will be on dreams, mainly lucid dreaming but dreaming none the less.
On a completely unrelated note my friends pushed me into eating a Mcgangbang. I normally don't eat McDonalds but it was......a rather unique expiernce.
To lazt to edit this.
See you all later
Stay safe and live happy
denUrenVarg
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Venting a small portion of my rage
Dear executor:
I HOPE YOU ROT FROM THE INSIDE OUT AND GET EATEN BY WOLVES.
I HOPE YOU ROT FROM THE INSIDE OUT AND GET EATEN BY WOLVES.
....well somebody had to say it...
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Another quick update
I know i haven't been around much but that's because I'm forced to share the last good laptop with my siblings, seeing how i killed all the better ones. So please pardon my temporary bouts of silence. When the other laptops get repaired i plan on making a post my favorite subject, Dreams. I also might make a post about myself with various blots of information about me.
All is well in the land me. Nothing really new here.I still see your occasion spirits and shadows. I still hear your faint whispers in the night or tapping on the windows. I've grown used to these affairs and found ways to get around it, so they're no big deal. I think my imagination has been going into overdrive, I've began seeing faces in things, like the way tree branches are arranged or in the way gravel looks. It's sort of fun to find the,m in random objects in an weird, odd sort of way....
On a random side note my fruit trees are getting ready to be harvested and so are my gardens. My flower gardens are also approaching full bloom, they're so lovely. Hooray for spring!
I believe thats about it for now. Goodbye.
All is well in the land me. Nothing really new here.I still see your occasion spirits and shadows. I still hear your faint whispers in the night or tapping on the windows. I've grown used to these affairs and found ways to get around it, so they're no big deal. I think my imagination has been going into overdrive, I've began seeing faces in things, like the way tree branches are arranged or in the way gravel looks. It's sort of fun to find the,m in random objects in an weird, odd sort of way....
On a random side note my fruit trees are getting ready to be harvested and so are my gardens. My flower gardens are also approaching full bloom, they're so lovely. Hooray for spring!
I believe thats about it for now. Goodbye.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
a small update
Since dreams are more incomprehensible nowadays and harder to remember i'll be making small updates on whats on my mind or whats happening in life.
_________________________________________________________________
Electronics have begun to take a sudden hatred to me. Most of you have heard about my laptop and my scanner crapping out on me when i got irritated that one day. Now my phone began to join the unruly bunch of electricity, just what i needed.
Been hearing the neighborhood dogs go bats shit crazy at night. They've been more unruly lately, i wonder whats riling them up....
What the shit knocked over my trash cans in front of my house? I only saw a glimpse of it between the cars in my driveway. It looked like it was either hunched over or short, and dressed in brown. I glanced away for a second when it happened but when i looked back it was gone. I looked in the reflection of the cars( which gave a view of the whole street) and i saw nothing.
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Electronics have begun to take a sudden hatred to me. Most of you have heard about my laptop and my scanner crapping out on me when i got irritated that one day. Now my phone began to join the unruly bunch of electricity, just what i needed.
Been hearing the neighborhood dogs go bats shit crazy at night. They've been more unruly lately, i wonder whats riling them up....
What the shit knocked over my trash cans in front of my house? I only saw a glimpse of it between the cars in my driveway. It looked like it was either hunched over or short, and dressed in brown. I glanced away for a second when it happened but when i looked back it was gone. I looked in the reflection of the cars( which gave a view of the whole street) and i saw nothing.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Tales of a family past
This post isn't about my dreams but about past family tales of their experiences with the paranormal. I never really took much notice to these stories but now that i think about it a lot of them revolves around my aunt, but that doesn't really matter. Most of them will most likely be vague and short because of my absolutely fantastic memory. Almost all of them happened before my time so i know very little first hand experience about them.
I'm not sure if the stories I've been told are real or not but I don't think my aunt would lie to be about something like this. When my aunt and my father were little they shared a room with a window. This window gave a view to the whole yard, which was full of chicken pens, goats, and other various animals. One night my aunt heard the ear piercing squeals of chickens and the frightened neigh of goats. Curious to see what as making these animals act in such a way, she looked outside the window. According to her, she was absolutely petrified with fear. What she said she saw was a massive dog that looked like a German Shepard of some sort but with evil, demonic looking eyes. The beast was finishing gnawing on a chicken when it split itself into three (according to my aunt). The three monstrosities tore up the poor animals, tearing them apart scattering their remains amongst the back yard. My aunt was mortified, she said she was so shocked that she passed out. When she woke up early that morning she immediately told my father what she saw. He called it BS right away on the spot. The had a typical sibling argument and decided to go out back to go see who was right. If my father was right, there would be no evidence of an animal attack. If my aunt was right then there would be animal remains all over the yard. Well they got to the backyard and guess what, my aunt was right. There was blood and animal entrails all over the yard and claw marks in various places. They were speechless. Of course my grandmother was extreme pissed seeing how their small amount of live stock was killed but thats besides the point. To this day you can see claw marks in certain places like in the sides of trees, walls and fences. They put concrete onto the dirt floor so theres no evidence there, but i'm pretty sure you wouldn't be able to see them anyways without the concrete.
Now lets fast forward a few decades To where my aunt is a mother with 3 young children and a lot of foster children. At the time they were always getting into arguments, screaming, yelling, hating. There was suspicion of paranormal activity going on in the house but hey didn't listen to each other out sibling spite. The foster children would always scream "The kitty cat man!Mommy watch out for the kitty man!" My aunt would always just think it was just an over active imagination, or just an imaginary friend of theirs. Then one day one of my cousins claimed she saw it in her room. She said it looked like a man with a heavily distorted human/animal face with huge claws and covered in blood. You would probably think it would be nightmares from the movie Nightmare on Elm street and the children were just seeing Freddy Krueger. However my aunt wouldn't allow them to see this movie, in fear that the kids would all develop nightmares and become sleepless. We know that he did look like Freddy because one day the foster children came over to my house (because we literally live two houses away but that doesn't matter).The closest experience they've had with this "kitty cat man" was when my cousin was thrown and held against the wall. She was drops eventually but theres was scratches left on her body. After that the whole family was terrified. They began to not take one another's company for granted and they began to tolerate each other after that. They eventually became a happy functional family again and the kitty cat man sitings have ceased after that. However we still see spirits now and then but they're no real threat to us.
The weirdest one of all happened one summer when i was still a baby. One of our family members just died and they sitting there discussing what happened to him in the after life. As they were talking, maggots came up through the carpet and out of the walls. My aunt is a HUGE clean freak, she literally spends 2 and 1/2 hours just on cleaning the floor, and don't get me started on the whole house. After the maggots seeped into the house, they somehow disappeared, leaving no evidence that they were ever there. After that they just all assumed he went to hell or whatever torturous place lies below.
The end :)
I'm not sure if the stories I've been told are real or not but I don't think my aunt would lie to be about something like this. When my aunt and my father were little they shared a room with a window. This window gave a view to the whole yard, which was full of chicken pens, goats, and other various animals. One night my aunt heard the ear piercing squeals of chickens and the frightened neigh of goats. Curious to see what as making these animals act in such a way, she looked outside the window. According to her, she was absolutely petrified with fear. What she said she saw was a massive dog that looked like a German Shepard of some sort but with evil, demonic looking eyes. The beast was finishing gnawing on a chicken when it split itself into three (according to my aunt). The three monstrosities tore up the poor animals, tearing them apart scattering their remains amongst the back yard. My aunt was mortified, she said she was so shocked that she passed out. When she woke up early that morning she immediately told my father what she saw. He called it BS right away on the spot. The had a typical sibling argument and decided to go out back to go see who was right. If my father was right, there would be no evidence of an animal attack. If my aunt was right then there would be animal remains all over the yard. Well they got to the backyard and guess what, my aunt was right. There was blood and animal entrails all over the yard and claw marks in various places. They were speechless. Of course my grandmother was extreme pissed seeing how their small amount of live stock was killed but thats besides the point. To this day you can see claw marks in certain places like in the sides of trees, walls and fences. They put concrete onto the dirt floor so theres no evidence there, but i'm pretty sure you wouldn't be able to see them anyways without the concrete.
Now lets fast forward a few decades To where my aunt is a mother with 3 young children and a lot of foster children. At the time they were always getting into arguments, screaming, yelling, hating. There was suspicion of paranormal activity going on in the house but hey didn't listen to each other out sibling spite. The foster children would always scream "The kitty cat man!Mommy watch out for the kitty man!" My aunt would always just think it was just an over active imagination, or just an imaginary friend of theirs. Then one day one of my cousins claimed she saw it in her room. She said it looked like a man with a heavily distorted human/animal face with huge claws and covered in blood. You would probably think it would be nightmares from the movie Nightmare on Elm street and the children were just seeing Freddy Krueger. However my aunt wouldn't allow them to see this movie, in fear that the kids would all develop nightmares and become sleepless. We know that he did look like Freddy because one day the foster children came over to my house (because we literally live two houses away but that doesn't matter).The closest experience they've had with this "kitty cat man" was when my cousin was thrown and held against the wall. She was drops eventually but theres was scratches left on her body. After that the whole family was terrified. They began to not take one another's company for granted and they began to tolerate each other after that. They eventually became a happy functional family again and the kitty cat man sitings have ceased after that. However we still see spirits now and then but they're no real threat to us.
The weirdest one of all happened one summer when i was still a baby. One of our family members just died and they sitting there discussing what happened to him in the after life. As they were talking, maggots came up through the carpet and out of the walls. My aunt is a HUGE clean freak, she literally spends 2 and 1/2 hours just on cleaning the floor, and don't get me started on the whole house. After the maggots seeped into the house, they somehow disappeared, leaving no evidence that they were ever there. After that they just all assumed he went to hell or whatever torturous place lies below.
The end :)
Sunday, April 24, 2011
the third dream
Edit: I remember slightly more stuff!!!!
I had third dream on April 21. I meant to post it sooner but between other stuff, people coming over, and being lazy, i never found the time. This was a really short vague dream which is really odd because they're normally longer but whatever. A dream's a dream. I've lost alot of information about this dream and so i'm now mentally beating myself up for not writing this down earlier. Now to the dream that makes little sense.
I was in a forest and i was being chased(again lol) but i don't know who was chasing me. There were tall ominous trees looming overhead. I tripped and fell, but i stayed there for a few seconds to catch my breath.I rolled over to be on my back and just laid there The view was beautiful and i wish that i could of stayed there forever but something inside told me to keep on running. I would glance out into the forest thinking I'd see glimpses of him, but was never to sure because i wasn't able to stop. The forest got denser and the growth got wilder i could feel various scratches upon myself but i just ran faster. The of fear wasn't as strong as the feeling of importance. The forest came to an abrupt stop and i saw a cabin. I entered it and i saw my family huddled around a small t.v., which miraculously had the news on even though it was in the middle of the woods. My mom saw me and hurriedly came to greet me. She was frantic, terrified, ecstatic to see me, and talking really fast as if spaces in sentences didn't exist. I have no idea what motivated me to do this or why i did it, but i backhanded her. Hard. I told her to calm down and tell me what was going on slowly and clearly so i could understand her.She quietly said okay and said that they're talking about me on the news. I went over to the t.v. and took a seat on the smooth wooden floor, cringing from the pain of the fall i took and the scratches i had. It was a news team interviewing some one. I would say it was an ordinary innocent citizen but i could by the look in his eyes he was neither innocent nor ordinary. He was telling the news caster about how dangerous my family was and all the horrible deeds we've apparently done as a whole together and how we needed to stopped and executed for death. i was furious, "Where the hell is he coming up with this stuff?" i thought angrily to myself. Then i saw how, there he was behind him. i know i was unable to hear him but i could just tell he was mentally whispering horrible lies into this strange mans mind. I don't know how nobody else saw him, so tall with his horrible dark suit. I wanted shout out and tell them the truth, i wanted them to believe in the right thing but i wasn't able to do a single thing about it.
Then i woke up.
Or at least i thought i did, i think. In my dream i i saw staring at my curtain covered window, staring at the large silhouette outside my window. I wasn't sure weather or not it was him or just another proxy. I kept staring at and i heard something saying give in to pure fear inside my head. I started to lose feeling with my hand and feet, my vision began to blur and darken. However, i fought back with all my might. It was mentally exhausting but when i won.
I really woke up this time.
Afterwards i got up, legs sore as if i've been running forever, 3 bruises on my leg, and scratches on my shoulders.
I had third dream on April 21. I meant to post it sooner but between other stuff, people coming over, and being lazy, i never found the time. This was a really short vague dream which is really odd because they're normally longer but whatever. A dream's a dream. I've lost alot of information about this dream and so i'm now mentally beating myself up for not writing this down earlier. Now to the dream that makes little sense.
I was in a forest and i was being chased(again lol) but i don't know who was chasing me. There were tall ominous trees looming overhead. I tripped and fell, but i stayed there for a few seconds to catch my breath.I rolled over to be on my back and just laid there The view was beautiful and i wish that i could of stayed there forever but something inside told me to keep on running. I would glance out into the forest thinking I'd see glimpses of him, but was never to sure because i wasn't able to stop. The forest got denser and the growth got wilder i could feel various scratches upon myself but i just ran faster. The of fear wasn't as strong as the feeling of importance. The forest came to an abrupt stop and i saw a cabin. I entered it and i saw my family huddled around a small t.v., which miraculously had the news on even though it was in the middle of the woods. My mom saw me and hurriedly came to greet me. She was frantic, terrified, ecstatic to see me, and talking really fast as if spaces in sentences didn't exist. I have no idea what motivated me to do this or why i did it, but i backhanded her. Hard. I told her to calm down and tell me what was going on slowly and clearly so i could understand her.She quietly said okay and said that they're talking about me on the news. I went over to the t.v. and took a seat on the smooth wooden floor, cringing from the pain of the fall i took and the scratches i had. It was a news team interviewing some one. I would say it was an ordinary innocent citizen but i could by the look in his eyes he was neither innocent nor ordinary. He was telling the news caster about how dangerous my family was and all the horrible deeds we've apparently done as a whole together and how we needed to stopped and executed for death. i was furious, "Where the hell is he coming up with this stuff?" i thought angrily to myself. Then i saw how, there he was behind him. i know i was unable to hear him but i could just tell he was mentally whispering horrible lies into this strange mans mind. I don't know how nobody else saw him, so tall with his horrible dark suit. I wanted shout out and tell them the truth, i wanted them to believe in the right thing but i wasn't able to do a single thing about it.
Then i woke up.
Or at least i thought i did, i think. In my dream i i saw staring at my curtain covered window, staring at the large silhouette outside my window. I wasn't sure weather or not it was him or just another proxy. I kept staring at and i heard something saying give in to pure fear inside my head. I started to lose feeling with my hand and feet, my vision began to blur and darken. However, i fought back with all my might. It was mentally exhausting but when i won.
I really woke up this time.
Afterwards i got up, legs sore as if i've been running forever, 3 bruises on my leg, and scratches on my shoulders.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
The second dream
The second dream happened on the night of April 16. I didn't see much of him in this dream either, but I do in the next dream i'm posting eventually after this, which will hopefully be more interesting.
Dreams are always blurry in the beginning so i'll just start off from where i can remember.
It started off with me and my friends hanging out in mall (haha...so stereotypical) and i began to see a change in one of them. I have never seen this person before in my life, but in the dream she gave me the feeling that I've known her for long and that i could trust her. I began to notice little changes in the way she moved and how she took a weird interest in me. I'd catch her staring at me whenever my back was turned or even when she wasn't there, i could feel her presence but with an odd disturbance. I decided it was time to confront her, so on the way home from the mall ( we were all walking) i grabbed her arm and took her on a different road with me. Apparently the rest of my friends were either retarded or brain dead at the time because they didn't notice that we left at all. Well when i confronted her i said "Hey is everything all right? You've been a little...different lately" . She gave me a huge Cheshire cat like smile/smirk and he eyes(which were previously brown) gleamed a bright green and said "Why I have no idea what your talking about." and began to laugh like she was mocking me, but her voice was changing into something more sinister. "Juuuust kidding" she said with a mischievous smile while rolling her head to the right,"I know what your talking about, but i'm to sure if your little friend here does" She gave her arm a little flick." WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO WITH HER" i yelled while grabbing her collar(which is was probably visually hilarious because i'm kind of a foot shorter most than my friends). She rolled her head left and said "Thaaaat doesn't matter. All you need to know is that i'm watching you and will be expecting some things of you." I lowered my voice but did release her "What kind of things and what if I don't want to your things?" Her head went straight and her eyes bore into my skull " You will find out in soon soon time and if you don't then there will be consequences"
Great, I think my friend's being possessed by what i think might be a proxy.
The scene changed to the town i was living in which was like your average city but in the middle of the forest. The proxified friend(whose name i can't remember) acted like my best friend and would mentally whisper terrible things into my mind. How every one's my enemy, why i should betray them, and kept on giving me empty threats ( like putting thumbtacks in my shoes and whatnot but never did). I was getting sick and tired of this. I wanted her possessor gone, but i didn't know how to do it, i was stuck, the very most i could do was not do what she told me. That always got me into trouble with the adults, and eventually everything was taken away from me. But i learned to not get attached to material objects so that doesn't really matter. However, one day, things just got really serious. I can't remember what it was, but it had something to do with electricity. I think i had to sabotage the light sockets of one my friends house so they'll be in a black out, leaving them vulnerable for attack. Whatever it was, i refused to do it, in hopes this thing will leave me alone.
The consequences though was horrible(well for me it was at least), I was kidnapped and taken to an unknown place and tied and gagged to a chair. There was a single t.v. left for me to watch, it turned on and i saw my brother. He had an open glass of some kinda of beverage, and my little friend was right there beside, but he didn't notice her. She was holding a bottle with a skull and cross bones on it, and i assumed it was poison. I started to squirm and scream, struggling to get out of my bonds. She put the deadly liquid into his drink and slunk away. After he finished his drink he started throwing up violently, eventually throwing up blood and dying. The bonds seem to melt away and i got up and ran towards the t.v. The scene melted to his funeral and there was SM standing over his grave. This probably wasn't very smart of me but "YOU ASSHOLE" i yelled, and i raised my fist to hit him and then....
I woke up.
Dreams are always blurry in the beginning so i'll just start off from where i can remember.
It started off with me and my friends hanging out in mall (haha...so stereotypical) and i began to see a change in one of them. I have never seen this person before in my life, but in the dream she gave me the feeling that I've known her for long and that i could trust her. I began to notice little changes in the way she moved and how she took a weird interest in me. I'd catch her staring at me whenever my back was turned or even when she wasn't there, i could feel her presence but with an odd disturbance. I decided it was time to confront her, so on the way home from the mall ( we were all walking) i grabbed her arm and took her on a different road with me. Apparently the rest of my friends were either retarded or brain dead at the time because they didn't notice that we left at all. Well when i confronted her i said "Hey is everything all right? You've been a little...different lately" . She gave me a huge Cheshire cat like smile/smirk and he eyes(which were previously brown) gleamed a bright green and said "Why I have no idea what your talking about." and began to laugh like she was mocking me, but her voice was changing into something more sinister. "Juuuust kidding" she said with a mischievous smile while rolling her head to the right,"I know what your talking about, but i'm to sure if your little friend here does" She gave her arm a little flick." WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO WITH HER" i yelled while grabbing her collar(which is was probably visually hilarious because i'm kind of a foot shorter most than my friends). She rolled her head left and said "Thaaaat doesn't matter. All you need to know is that i'm watching you and will be expecting some things of you." I lowered my voice but did release her "What kind of things and what if I don't want to your things?" Her head went straight and her eyes bore into my skull " You will find out in soon soon time and if you don't then there will be consequences"
Great, I think my friend's being possessed by what i think might be a proxy.
The scene changed to the town i was living in which was like your average city but in the middle of the forest. The proxified friend(whose name i can't remember) acted like my best friend and would mentally whisper terrible things into my mind. How every one's my enemy, why i should betray them, and kept on giving me empty threats ( like putting thumbtacks in my shoes and whatnot but never did). I was getting sick and tired of this. I wanted her possessor gone, but i didn't know how to do it, i was stuck, the very most i could do was not do what she told me. That always got me into trouble with the adults, and eventually everything was taken away from me. But i learned to not get attached to material objects so that doesn't really matter. However, one day, things just got really serious. I can't remember what it was, but it had something to do with electricity. I think i had to sabotage the light sockets of one my friends house so they'll be in a black out, leaving them vulnerable for attack. Whatever it was, i refused to do it, in hopes this thing will leave me alone.
The consequences though was horrible(well for me it was at least), I was kidnapped and taken to an unknown place and tied and gagged to a chair. There was a single t.v. left for me to watch, it turned on and i saw my brother. He had an open glass of some kinda of beverage, and my little friend was right there beside, but he didn't notice her. She was holding a bottle with a skull and cross bones on it, and i assumed it was poison. I started to squirm and scream, struggling to get out of my bonds. She put the deadly liquid into his drink and slunk away. After he finished his drink he started throwing up violently, eventually throwing up blood and dying. The bonds seem to melt away and i got up and ran towards the t.v. The scene melted to his funeral and there was SM standing over his grave. This probably wasn't very smart of me but "YOU ASSHOLE" i yelled, and i raised my fist to hit him and then....
I woke up.
The first dream
I can't remember the exact date or time of when the first dream occurred, but if i were to guess i'd have to say probably around the beginning of March of this year. I also can't remember much of what happened afterwards. So don't be expecting to read much because i barely remember these dreams as it is.
In the beginning I was asked by proxy( operators whatever the hell you want to call them) if i wanted to play a game. For some reason i said yes, even though i had no idea what the rules were or who was playing. After i accepted his challenge i did however ask what the rules were. All he said was to survive
On a side note outside of the dream i know theres been a mention of a game before but i don't exactly think it'll be played out like this.
Anyways, back to the dream. The dream shifted to a wooded area and proxies( 2 of them) were running after me, trying to kill me with various weapons. The closest one behind me had something that was used for tripping people but i forgot what it was called D: It looked like a rope and it had weights on the end so when you threw it and it hit your legs, it would wrap around them and trip you. Well he threw it and i fell like the klutz i am. I turned over so i was face up and as proxy 1 landed for the killing blow(can't remember with what kind of weapon >.<) i suddenly pulled out a dagger and held it out in front of me. This hit his neck cutting a major artery thus killing him. I got my feet free and saw proxy #2 coming at me with a knife. I feinted to the right(while still on the ground) and quickly made a heavy slice in his calves causing him to fall onto his back. He rolled left to where i was and i hastily jumped over onto his back, pulled his hair back, and slit his throat.
It's a little fuzzy about what happened after that but all i kind of remembered was going through trails of some sort fighting for my life.
The final scene of my dream consisted of me being kidnapped and being taken to some sort of an arena and finding others who were like me, fighting for there lives. A huge voice boomed overhead(didnt know who it was) ,and i can't remember his exact words but, i think he said a little something like this: "Many have accepted this challenge and many have lost. You are the last survivors, make good use of your talents and serve me well" Some rebelled to this idea and decided to fight back while some joined him. A whole rebellion amongst us broke out but then.
I woke up.
Introduction
In these posts i will be talking about my dreams with SM or SM related topics, like proxies and such. For those who don't know what or who SM is it's the slenderman (and if you still don't know who that is, google it and have fun). I won't be saying his name because i believe his name will draw attention to me and will give him power. I will however bold the words that are referring to his name to prevent confusion(i may forget to at times but bear with me please). Reality is just reality, what happens in real life. Or just random things to post because i'm bored. Occasionally my dreams will be detailed but the story kinda vague, yeah sorry 'bout that thats just the way my fantastic memory works. Don't expect perfect grammar or an excellent vocabulary, I'm only a child against the whole world.
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